Caring for an Aging Narcissistic Mother

by Lily
(Port Moody, BC Canada)

I resent her. I resent my brother who NEVER helps. He actually said to me once, when I brought up the issue, "you guys seem so happy" if we are an old married couple.

I've been taking care of my Mom for the past 10 years. She has severe macular degeneration. She can't do much on her own. She has also become hard of hearing. She won't make any decisions...defers entirely to me.

Sometimes I just lose it and yell. She has never really shown much love towards her children. She is a classic narcissist and as life goes on, she loses more and more of her audience...(read friends are dying).

She hates it when I disagree with her. She threatens to hit me. She only perceives and hears what she wants to and if the conversation isn't about her she finds a way to make it about her. We argue about everything including my children. The only way to keep the peace is if I agree with her.

I am pretty good about taking care of myself. I sleep well, go swimming everyday and play hooky (read...take vacation days from work without telling her and then do what I want). This is all classic stuff.

I realize that life is not fair and many, many of us find ourselves in this situation, but you asked and so I felt comfortable venting here. Thanks!

Would love to hear back from others. My friends are great, but they don't want to hear me moan about something with which they have no familiarity.

Again, many thanks and all the best to all of you who share this journey.


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I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I also have a mom like that. Personally I would put her in a assisted living facility or call the state to pick her up.

Realize your mom has no empathy and if you are the scapegoat then you can do no right. Go on YouTube and learn more about narcissistic moms and daughters. Look up that exact title.

No matter what you do you are a wonderful person and don't forget about that and I know you don't have time right now but try to get counseling. That's how I found out my mom was a narcissist and counseling really helped!!!
Good luck and God bless

Joan, and Joan only, Gets To Be Mommy Dearest
by: Anonymous

If you find that taking care of your narcissistic mother is ruining your life, then why don't you do something effective about it? Such as pack up Mother's belongings, put her in the car, and tell her she is going to have a nice long stay with her son so and so and his family.

Then, suiting the action to the word, you can drop her off at so and so's front door when you know he's at home. What's so and so going to do?

Is he going to phone the police on you or beat you up? Is he going to put a gun to your head and tell you that you can't abandon the old tyrant at his place? Is he going to smile like a weasel and tell you that you have to suffer with her tantrums the rest of your life (or hers?)

Tell him it's time for him to share in the fun. Laugh, say goodbye to mother dearest, and leave. And don't regret it!

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