Caregiving for my elderly parent

Hi, my name is Norie. I have recently taken responsibility for taking care of my mother in my home. Taking care of her has already presented several challenging situations. I am already overwhelmed. I love my mother very much and want to do the best I can to take care of her, in order to avoid putting her in a nursing home.



My mother has several health problems as a result of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. I would love your advice. Can you tell me, when it comes to caring for an elderly parent, what's your single biggest challenge or frustration that you are struggling with or dealing with right now?

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It's hard hard work and is not appreciated at all..
by: Anonymous

It's hard work. Physically and emotionally grueling. And it is never appreciated. Trust me. If you have siblings, they will turn against you. It may not seem like it at first, but they will. They will accuse you of abuse and stealing her money.

Also you will get so exhausted and so stressed out that the time spent with your mother won't be enjoyable. And as your mother gets older, and she starts having to ask you how to do simple basic things, She will resent you for it. The role reversal is really hard on parents.

You'll be telling her to take her meds when she doesn't want to. And you'll be telling her she has to eat, when she doesn't want to. And you'll be telling her she has to have a bath, even though she doesn't feel like it. She is going to be mad at you for bossing her around.

If your siblings never come around she'll tell them lies about you just to get their attention. I could go on and on. The worst part though is being attacked by my siblings. And them lying to anyone who would listen saying I had been abusing my dad. (At that point I had cared for him for 5-1/2 yrs. They were MIA.

When their accusations tell flat, they crawled back into the woodwork until the day after he died. They faced over here, closed out his bank accounts and emptied his safe deposit box the day after I told them he had passed.

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Most difficult parts
by: Elly

The most difficult parts of caregiving have been the deep, overwhelming resentment towards my sibling who has thrown me under the bus. Watching his life continue without even a blip on the radar while my life is no longer mine is like a daily salt rub into an open wound.

And also, having only two emotions 95% of the time--guilt and resentment.
I don't remember what life was like before I had to become a caregiver.

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Sick of it
by: Annony

Sorry my comment wasn’t helpful. Caring for a parent is challenging because they are not your children that have had to follow your rules and do what you told them to do.

You had to follow her rules an obey her while growing up. When parent insists on having her way, it throws you back into the days when you were the petulant angry teen vying for your independence.

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Sick of it.
by: Annony

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I suggest having home care visits to help with cares a few hours a week if you don’t want to put her in the nursing home. You are going to burn out if the stress and loss of freedom goes unchecked.

I am a caregiver for my spouse who has ms for 17 years now. I have no freedom and no life aside from work at the hospital then coming to more work. This caregiver role has forever destroyed our relationship (even considered suicide just to get out of caregiving) I have no feelings for him other than disgust and resentment.

I will not leave him because he did not choose to have ms. If he becomes demented and unsafe to leave at home alone, the only option is nursing home as I cannot afford to quit my job. I love the man he used to be.

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Never getting a break
by: Anonymous

The 2 things I struggle the most with for me is never getting a break ( because no one will help you ) and never knowing when it’s going to end. Now I struggle with feeding mom now that she has swallowing issues.

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