Caregiver

by Cameron
(West Haven, CT, USA)

I'm 28. I put off going to college at 18 to help my grandmother take care of my grandfather. It was supposed to be temporary. Long story short, he passed away. My grandmother immediately deteriorated and gave up on life. She does not attempt to get up to use the restroom or even feed herself. She has no sleep schedule either. It is a 24 hour job to take care of her.


I worked a part time job that I lost due to missing so much work due to my situation. I have about 7 family members within a mile from my house that offer no help. I am the only thing keeping her where she wants to be, in her own home. I receive no financial support.

My credit has gone from a 820 to around 400. Three credit cards went to collections, 2 bank accounts are negative. I'm literally starving to death, losing close to 50 pounds in the last 2 years. I will never be able to finance anything.

My family owns a bar where they all drink every day. I do not drink but I have heard from friends that they continually talk bad about me not having a career at 28. When I walk into the place I receive nothing but dirty stares.

My grandmother is not a pleasant person either. She will go as far as to intentionally spread feces on the couch and walls for me to clean if I leave the house for more than 30 minutes or so. I haven't even been to lunch or a movie in 5 or 6 years.

I want to see her live as long as possible but that also means I may be doing this for a long time. I have an exit bag ready to go. I've been backed into a corner emotionally and financially with no way out.

I could have played D1 hockey and was always an honor roll student. Now with my non existent resume I would be lucky to work at McDonald's. The day she passes away I am going to kill myself, there's no chance I'm going to work a minimum wage job until I'm 80 with no retirement. Just existing until that day comes.

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I want to give you a hug
by: Anonymous

Your story really touched me. I'm also a young caretaker whose family chooses not to help out regularly or at all.

I want to just say that you are dealing with too much and need to get out of there. I know you love your grandmother but it sounds like she is not in her right mind.

It sounds down right abusive. I hope you can get some help bc damn it,your worth it. You have a huge heart and things will fall into place once you break out from that. Good luck & please reach out for help.

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strength
by: Anonymous

You absolutely must find the inner strength to take hold of your life. It was never written in any book that YOU alone will be the caregiver for this person. You can only be taken advantage of if you allow yourself to be, plain and simple, and you are allowing it to happen to the point that your life is near ruined.

I don't know where you live, but you need to go to the county social services and explain this situation now. If your grandmother has no funds to pay for assisted living or a home, then the county will pick up the tab. You DO NOT NEED to live like this, you are allowing yourself to live like this. You will not be struck dead if you think of yourself and put your grandmother somewhere.

You need to do this, seriously, and when things are in place either just do it or inform your family this is what is going to happen and who wants to take over now? I would have a tough time even speaking to your family at all if I were you with the way you have been treated.

You are speaking with the voice of someone who has been abused and caregiving to the depth you are describing can be just that - abusive. For your own life and future do what you need to do and think of yourself instead of your grandmother. She has lived her life and yours is just starting and you are entitled to your life.

File bankruptcy if you have to, get a fresh start. Things do work out in the end even if it takes a long time, but contemplating suicide for an old woman who is going to die eventually is not the path to take. And if you end up at McDonald's, hey nothing wrong with that. Funny you mentioned that. I went by one yesterday that had a sign outside hiring at 13.00 hr. That is just one dollar less an hour than I made at a grocery store after being there for ten years and I just retired from there!

PLEASE THINK OF YOURSELF

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