Caregiver to Grandmother

I am in my 20's and living with my aunt and grandmother. My grandmother had been taking care of me since I was an infant (parents were both working) and now that she is old.


I figured that it is time that I reciprocate her caregiving (Being in the Asian culture and all).

I admit that I have a short temper and tend to reprimand or talk back for the things that she does/says (eg, Not listening to the doctor's advice to engage in more physical activities such as walking, loves to harping on things such as a certain product that has two different versions and reminded me constantly to get the version that she is accustomed to even though I have been getting the product that she wanted for MONTHS & kept harping that the shower heater is going to be damaged if I don't take my shower asap after I had switched the heater power on for only 5 minutes).

What I couldn't really stand was the way she love to exaggerate situations and made me seem like the bad guy.

Off my head, I could think of 3 instances that happened within the past few months.

Instance 1: I was recently busy with school work and thus was unable to do chores (eg, mopping of floor) as often as I could in the past (Perhaps thrice a week instead of 4 times a week) and she complained to my aunt that I was not helping out at home and she had to do all the chores by herself and that it was tedious on her and caused shortness of breath.

Instance 2: We attended a family event last Saturday and prior to reaching the location of the event, she told me to leave asap after eating (She dislike the host). Thus, an hour after we ate and mingled, I asked her what time would she like to leave and she replied now.

The next moment, she turned and told my relatives (not the host or her family) that I am rushing her off and they began bashing me in dialect, thinking that I do not understand it (Some of the words heard are - Let her go first. Why should you leave when she wants to leave? Why is she so rude to rush you home? Can't she let you enjoy?)

Being maligned, I naturally rebutted them and said that she was the one who said she wanted to leave, not me (I think I gave them a shock that I actually understood dialect).

Hearing that, she changed her tune and said that she was the one that wanted to leave. But to prevent from being the bad guy once again, I told her that we will stay as long as the other relatives.

Something similar to this situation happened to my aunt as well and all relatives were blaming her saying that she was unfilial and not taking good care of my gran and my aunt almost committed suicide because everyone was reprimanding her and saying she was the bad guy.

My relatives think that it is easy living with my gran and only heard her complains about my aunt and I and thought that we are mistreating her when we are really putting in the effort in caring for her, bringing her to doctor's, buying groceries, keeping the house clean, etc.

Instance 3: The house phone was unable to use sporadically and my dad promised to get her a new one the next weekend. Thinking that she will be bored if she can't make phone calls and dangerous for her to stay in a house without a reliable phone during the day, I went and purchase a new phone.

When I came back and presented it to her, she went crazy on me saying that I am wasting money and that no one asked me to buy. I am really resenting taking care of her as the days passed and I find myself heading out more often rather than staying at home.

But when I am out, I felt guilty for leaving her alone at home. But when I stay home, I can't stand her behavior.

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