Caregiver - Stressed Caring for Elderly Parent

Caregiver - Stressed Caring for Elderly Parent


I am caring for my elderly parent and have moved her into my home, actually into our bedroom because it is downstairs.

My husband and I have completely moved to an upstairs guest bedroom. I work full time and so does my spouse. My mother requires 24/7 care and supervision. She had a stroke, can feed herself but cant dress, shower, bathroom etc..

This is the most difficult thing I have ever done and I feel very guilty for putting my husband and son through this. I am severely sleep deprived because she gets up throughout the night and I listen for her on a baby monitor and have to go downstairs. I also have to leave my home at 6 a.m. to get to my job in time and my husband has to stay with mom until the sitter arrives at 8.

I am not coping very well. I wish my mom had been better prepared, taken better care of herself, and taken out long term care insurance. It is a horrible situation.

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I Know how You Feel
by: Anonymous

My situation is similar, my dad had a stroke and is in rehab and he was primary caregiver in his home for my mother, who needs intense 24/7 care.

I always supported him, in terms of staying with mom to give him time away, respite, and now I have both to deal with. I am angry, sad, overwhelmed, and stunned. Both of them have degrees of dementia now, my father's coming about as the result of the stroke.

I have moved into my parents house, and am in the process of trying to modify my home to accommodate both of them, but don't see how this can work. My mother's care is intense , she has COPD, tracheotomy and goes on a vent at night. I hate what my life has become. My husband is great, but I get short tempered from being so tired, and I feel alone, alone, alone. I work full time, love my job, but I'm not doing it well anymore. Got to go, mom is calling

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Caregiver - Stressed Caring for Elderly Parent
by: Anonymous

First of all, I need to say that you are not alone. As a professional in the aging field and also a caregiver to my mother, I understand exactly what you are feeling. May I suggest to you that you look at group respite settings in your area, that may take your Mother for a few days, so that you can get away and relax. I teach a series of classes and the most important thing that we teach is to Take Care Of You. Your husband and son are very understanding but at some point it will become overwhelming. If you have a good relationship with your Mother, talk to her about the possibility of going to an assisted living or a nursing home even on a temporary basis. I am not sure what is available in your area, but contact the Council on Aging or your state's Area Agency on Aging for more information. Also, get on a waiting list for in home help or look into a support group in your area. Good Luck to you and your family.


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In Home Caregiving Is Truly Very Stressful
by: Anonymous

I understand where you are coming from on this as our lives are no longer our own for the short or long term.....no time off, no vacations, no time (save for stolen moments)to ourselves, it gets to be a real heavy burden and quite frustrating.

I have been reading on this site about the anger and resentment that people feel as sibling caregivers and it is very difficult to not feel that way as my life seemingly is no longer my own.

My husband has been so sweet and understanding, but I feel he is close to the breaking point now.

The only thing I feel I can do is to muddle through and hope give the best care we can give them during this time.

I wish you the best.

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Elderly Parent Caregiver - Stay Strong
by: Anonymous

I understand what you are going through and can identify with your situation. My mom lives in the same building that I live in but on another floor.

I am there to give her med twice a day and to assist the aides in taking care of her. I paid a lot of money to the home care agency before getting full coverage from medicaid. I learned that getting the help required a lot of hard work and the services were based on her income and not mine or any family member. The aides I have are amazing and really care for her.

My husband is a saint because he understands that it is hard for us to go on vacation since my sister and brother cannot pick up the slack. What you are doing for your mother is wonderful and don't give up. Try and get some help at home if you can. Feel free to ask me anything you want to know. Stay strong. fran

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Stressed Wife---Happy Mother in law
by: Anonymous

My mother in law has moved into our home, she is sickly but can still walk, feed herself and bathe and dress herself.

My problem is she is so selfish..my husband works so hard but the minute he tries to sleep she needs something, even though he will make sure she has what she needs before he goes to bed.

I can't do anything for her because she won't eat what I fix due to dementia. When my husband is near she suddenly requires more care, he never gets a break but its partly his fault for allowing it to happen.

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