Caregiver Stress

by Patricia
(Evansville, IN)

I can't tell you how stressed out I am caring for my elderly parents. I have zero support from my brother and two sisters and all they seem to do is second guess every decision I make. I moved Mom and Dad in two doors down a year and a half ago and it has been non stop ever since. My life is NOT my own any more. Seemingly dawn to dusk working on the basics, cooking cleaning, running errands.....I have little time of my own.

I am trying to get them set in the new place but there is always something to be done like changing light bulbs, sweeping out the back porch, mowing the lawn (my husband helps with this), and general home maintenance besides our home.
My siblings are no help what so ever, just calling to see how Mom and Dad are doing and if they have a complaint, they call me at home and give me a ration of it. Big!
It is a thankless job to be sure, however I think I am doing the right thing as this gives them a few extra years on their own instead of going to a care home. If I could just get my sisters and my brother from making negative comments, that would help a bunch.

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What if you Don't Feel Love?
by: Anonymous

Everyone's comments are saying they love their mother or father. What if you feel nothing towards them?

I have never been close to my mom and yet I am the one taking care of her. She is in an assisted living home and yet sometimes I have to literally FORCE myself out of the car when I arrive at her place.

I DO NOT want to even go in. I make myself call every other day just to check in and yet feel like I'm being judged when I don't call every day. Its like she's angry that I have a life and she doesn't so she makes me feel guilty for having a life.

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For Caregiver Stress Comments - Thanks!
by: Christine

My mother has just recently moved in with us and it is very helpful to know there are others that feel the guilt. I am exhausted! Though others help when they are home the fetching, caring, getting to the bathroom, feeding, is quite a bit. And... she brought her dogs! My animals are in a tizzy and hers bark all the time. I love my mother but I really need to find a way to handle the resentment. Thanks for letting me vent!

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In Home Caregiver Stressed
by: Susan

Caregiver Stress is like a heavy weight on me as well. Seems like both my brother and sister don't really want to get involved. They are not judgemental and do help with our elderly parents bills even on a monthly basis, however they do not seem to realize what kind of time it takes out my week/month just to try to stay up with everything going on at my home AND theirs'. I have very little time for myself anymore and the cost of time and money driving back and forth to care for them (they won't move and we could not afford it anyway). I hope whoever reads this understands that when you begin caring for elderly parents the responsibility just seems to grow and grow. I love them and want the best care for them and the GUILT I feel for not taking a more positive outlook is really starting to get to me. Anyway, good luck to all as I keep reading that are alot of us out there.

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I understand Caregiver Stress
by: Jaleyn

My sisters are somewhat the same way. Neither of them live close. All the care and attention for our elderly parents is on me. My Dad was diagnosed with bladder Cancer in November and we have to keep going back and forth to the VA for check ups. It is 70 miles away. I have to take the day off work and then I have to take both of them. I have to keep watch on both of them and it is exhausting!!! I love my elderly parents but I am one of those sandwich people..... I still have a son at home and I am caring for them. Fortunately my husband is VERY cooperative however they have never liked him , we have been married 33 years, and so he really can't help much. These trips to the VA are so hard. I am always afraid one of them will fall. thanks for letting me vent...

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