Caregiver Stress - I Cannot Do It All!

by A Huge Mess
(Virginia)

I am the youngest of five children. I am also married and have a demanding career as an alternative education teacher.


My entire existence right now reeks of stress!

My parents are 77 (Dad) and 70 (Mother). My elderly parents live approximately 10 minutes from me. I have a brother who lives 30 minutes away and a sister, who doesn't drive, who lives about 5 minutes away from our parents.

The role of parental caretaker has been heavier since I married six years ago. It is now to its breaking point.

Within the last month, my husband and I experienced a house fire, where everything was completely destroyed, and the loss of our pet during the house fire.

My family, particularly my parents, continually asked me to do things, as if nothing happened.

While most people have a time to grieve and reflect, I have not. I continued to complete tasks for my parents, dealt with the insurance company, and searched for a new place to live without missing a beat. I spent only three days away from work and returned.

I've been ill three times this year, and the last illness was all stress related. The doctor wanted me to rest. When I shared with my family the doctor's findings, it was met with a shrug. The stress level was dismissed. I continued to do things for my parents, like I normally did.

I continue to have headaches and stomachaches. I have problems with insomnia and depression. It seems like it doesn't matter to my family, and I am too chickens--t to say anything.


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Caregiver Stress - There is hope
by: Sandra

There is hope for Caregiver Stress

Dear Virginia - First please don't call your life a huge mess. You are a wonderful person. I, too, find it hard to speak up. So we need to speak up with our actions. I live with my mother, 84 yo. Best dad in the world passed away 2004.

I ask if I have sign on me that says kick me. No I don't.

Mom used me all her life to do her biddings. I am learning to put my life first and it is an uphill battle, I am doing it. It is making me a stronger person believe it or not. I was meant to read your post right this minute. I'll be praying for you Virginia!

Put yourself first.

Put your marriage first.

Put your parents at the end of your list or you will get sicker. They will get over it. My mother will get over it. My mother is a narcissist and knowing that helps me understand her, doesn't make it better, just I have more wisdom. Have a great day! Sandra

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