Caregiver of Elderly Mother with Sibling

by Katherine
(NC)

My sibling and I take care of my Mom. At first it was no big deal, with the help of my sibling it was just one night a week. However, as time has gone on we are all tired. We have been taking care of my Mom for more than 8 years.


My Mom feels like we should be honored to take care of her. She feels we owe it to her. That is what bothers me the most. She does not appreciate what we give up to stay with her. My husband had an affair. I leave him to go stay with my Mom and stress about what he is doing and if he is being faithful to me.

Mom will not go to any of our houses on holidays, we have to give up our time with our families and go to her house. Our children do not want to go over there because she is so mean and negative. The TV is so loud I am sure the neighbors can hear it.

This is terrible. Sometimes I just wish she would go to sleep and not wake up. It's not that I don't love her, I am just tired of the whole thing. I need to get my own house back together. When I mention to Mom that I need to get back to my own life she punishes me with ugly things that make me feel like a bad daughter.

To tell you the truth, most everyday I pray God will either take me or her. Oh, did I mention my Mother in Law is in a nursing home. If I am not with one I am with the other. Just shoot me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee....
Thanks for letting me vent.

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Set up Some Boundaries
by: Anonymous

Let your unfaithful husband take care of his mother--you have enough on your plate. Since your mother is still able to live alone, perhaps you could evaluate whether or not you may be devoting too much time to her just now and she has become accustomed to it (and maybe spoiled?)

If she is able to do some things on her own to care for herself, let her. There will come a time down the road when she may not be able to live alone, and her expectations of you will increase. Save some energy for then. Don't mean to be blunt but it sounds as if you need to stop worrying about your unfaithful husband--cut him loose or at least make your boundaries and expectations clear with him and your mother.

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BIG HUG
by: Rebecca

Oh my, just when I am feeling bad about my situation, I come here and read one that is far worse.
If anything, that alone makes me realize my situation could be worse.

As to your situation. OH My, I certainly feel for you. If I were you and your sibling.. I would sell Mom's house and put her in a nursing home since she flat out refuses to come live with either of you.

If you have been doing this for 8 years OMG, that is too long to have to be the one to completely deal with this. It is unfair and I don't think that God would expect you to continue tearing your life apart for trying to be the helpful daughter.

Don't allow her to bully you. I know it may sound mean but it sounds as if Mom is not all there and should probably be evaluated if not all ready for dementia and placed under supervision.

You could still go visit her, or maybe the state would suggest to you a reasonable solution.

You have did your time, your life is just as important GIRL don't allow it to destroy you.

Lord, I pray that you give them the best solution to this situation and that it still remain honorable and yet helpful to this family. Lord, open the heart and eyes of this Mother to see her selfishness of expecting her kids to keep this burden so long.

Release her from this I ask for her in Jesus name I pray.
amen.

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