Caregiver for Mother Yet ill Myself with no Help or Understanding from Brother

by Kim
(Flint, MI USA)

I live with my mother and have most of my life. A lot of this is to due with me often having health issues in my life. However, roles have somewhat reversed now and I don't know what to do.


Although no definitive diagnosis has been made for dementia, I have been told by 2 different doctors that she is in the starting stages of it.

However, in my opinion she is fading fast.My issue is my mother is very stubborn and isn't willing to see she isn't 70 anymore and can't/shouldn't be doing the things she does. She is 83 with internal bleeding issues that is ongoing, severe heart issues among other issues.

She has often been controlling, but now even more so. She has no boundary control as she will enter my bedroom or bathroom without asking. I am her primary driver, caregiver at home and am not well. I know at times she doesn't remember that I am ill. But everything I am doing for her is keeping me from getting well. I have had 4 brain surgeries and also have condition called Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. so when I take her somewhere I can get really sick.

I have also been diagnosed with strep and pneumonia. However, when she wants to go it doesn't matter when I tell her I can't or I'm sick. I am also having to handle all phone calls house issues and help pay bills. my brother screams at me when I call to tell him she's in the hospital and when I don't call him and he finds out later he yells at me. He has told me I am going to kill her before her time.

He only lives 1 hour 20 minutes but doesn't help let alone call her. I need any suggestions I can get. Also does anyone know of an open online support group for caregivers as I don't leave home much. I am at my wits end and about to go off deep end. Thank you everyone.

One other issue. No thank you for help. I am helping pay all bills on house on her care giving, etc. and my brother is entitled to half this house when she dies. Am I just complaining or should he be helping. I wouldn't complain if he gave some of his time to help. I really am desperate.

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