Caregiver for Elderly Mum and Brother with No Help from Other Sibling Brothers
I am so bitter and angry - I am the "chosen one" - my 91 year old mother adores my 4 brothers (well, three of them, next on her list is my eldest brother, who had a stroke many years ago.
She is housebound after many falls. I am responsible for EVERYTHING. - liaising with carers/finance/sorting out food/dealing with mail/am emotional crutch/all health issues/collecting all prescriptions and medicine.
I can NEVER call without there being a problem for me to sort out. She will NEVER ask my brothers to do anything. They are "too busy" to open a letter/wouldn't know she has post??!!"/work full time!!!
They own their own businesses and have plenty of time for sailing, ballroom dancing, and holidays.
Despite having a career and three children I have been forced to care firstly for my brother, who had a stroke, then my Dad until he died and now my mother. I actually really dislike her. I think she is a narcissist.
Every solution to the numerous problems she tells me she has, is met with a negative response. She says "it's a shame I have to do everything, as I am the only girl"!!!!
I still have 3 children at home - my brothers children are in their 30's!!! She even rings me up to travel to her house to water her plants, when she has a visit from one of the "prodigal" sons.
She couldn't possibly ask them to water the plants. My brothers get really angry with me if, because I have
found out they are at her house, I ring and ask them to pick up her medicine from her local chemist. They actually truly believe it is MY job???!!!
She wanted me to go and get her a new walking frame - she said she couldn't ask my brother, because she didn't want him driving on the "treacherous roads" (it was snowing). So it's okay if I crash my car and get injured?!
My Mum has NEVER told me she loves me, NEVER put her arm around me if i have a problem or am upset and completely glosses over anything I say, if I have to resort to telling her any real problems I have in life, such as my husband walking out just before Christmas and that I had to quit my job as I couldn't cope with looking after all her needs, plus my children.
Now, I can't get a reference because my employer was so angry. All I hear is how my "poor" brothers are so overworked. One of my brothers even rang me to say I needed to call the company who provides her care in the home, because another brother who was at her house couldn't because he was"really tired and would have a nervous breakdown," - he had just returned from holiday (he goes about once a month).
I know when my brothers will be frequent visitors to my Mum's house - when they want their share of the inheritance. Thanks for the "vent' - I feel a bit better!!