Care Giving of Elderly Parents - Do it all? NOT

I ended up blowing off what's important to me. I can't keep that up. I am angry & resent it. I have "Mom" parked in her new apartment and I'm trying to get back to my life. I do not answer the phone the moment she calls. She likes to dramatize everything. No one is ever as sick, no one suffers the pains she does, we're all stupid, etc. No more... My life is worth more. My sanity is worth more. I've done all I can. No, my sibling will not help.

Mom is safe, she can call the facility services or do without. I feel bled dry, emotionally and physically. It's been a negative learning experience. I've correlated it to much of my childhood. NO. I deserve better.

No matter what it's never good enough and there's no thanks for doing for her. I've told my daughter, do not think twice, put me in a home.

Do not let me wreck your life, like Grandma is trying to wreck mine. No one owes another this much blood, sweat and tears. I know what selfish is, I've seen her in action. NO MORE. There is no balance, that assumes the other would give something back.

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Me Versus You?
by: Anonymous

I empathize with you all. I have been the person who has been available to my mother with the last 28 years when she was widowed. I am unmarried, working full time and was always around for the endless trips to funerals, mass, etc., allowing the other members of my family to bring their kids up in relative peace.

They all live away from the area and those that lived nearby are deceased. Every weekend when I would meet a friend for a walk, drink, etc., was hell as the jealousy I experienced from my mother would have killed a lesser mortal. Now that she is 93 and very feeble the whole issue is magnified.

I struggle to have a life with my partner without being constantly in a bad mood over my mothers' treatment of him and me.I feel like I am constantly juggling my life and have to fight for precious time to walk, etc. I cannot understand how someone can be so selfish. I haven't kids and sometimes I thank God because I would hate to treat them like my mother treats me.

A friend in a pretty similar situation said to me lately, and it makes sense to me, its not that you want them gone, its just that you want to live your own life...

Agree wholeheartedly
by: Anonymous

I was facing the same situation of being expected to sacrifice my life for a mother whose favorite line is "blood is thicker than water". Well, I too was bled dry trying to live up to her expectations as the good, caring and loyal daughter.

I tried to reason with her -- begged her to meet me half-way and make her care manageable -- but she wanted to have her way more than she wanted me to have any quality of life.

As a socially isolated compulsive hoarder she will not have anyone else do her bidding other than me lest her hoarding secret come to light. She has no other family members (aside from my sis who has been totally estranged from her for many years) that she or I can turn to. She lives in a rural community that provides no social service assistance for seniors other than Meal on Wheels (but she won't let strangers into her hoarded house anyway).

Like you, I reached the end of my rope. My choices were to either walk away from the situation and let her cope on her own even if it leads to her demise, or, continue being her slave and go down the tubes with her and take my husband and kids along for the ride. I walked. It makes no sense to me that an entire family has to "go down" if it can be limited to one.

Why she expects me to walk on water for her when I have absolutely NO such expectation of my own three kids to do this for me escapes me.

Society will likely judge me very harshly for the choice I have made, but my husband and kids know that I have to do this for their sakes and are on my side.

When I read accounts such as yours that hit so close to home, I can truly feel your pain, anger and resentment.

Walking away from my mother is not a pleasant experience, but I am satisfied that I am in a better place than if I had continued to do her bidding.

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