Can't help Feeling Resentment

by Joy
(Austin, Texas, U.S.)

My mom moved in with me after my father passed 10 years ago. I am a divorced parent with one son (divorced before mom moved in).

I have always been independent and able to take care of myself and my son. My mom has and continues to work and contributes toward the home but not 50/50 due to her medical condition which takes a lot of her income. The past few years I realized the resentment that has been building.

As my son has gotten older and more independent, I would love to expand my social life including finding a partner. My mother can be very judgmental and negative. I have avoided pursuing romantic relationships so that I can avoid her judgmental input and countless questioning. I am very private and with her living with me, I just don't have the privacy I so desire.

The resentment has built and I find myself becoming miserable at times. I love my mother very much and I know she wants me to be happy. I just can't deal with her judgement which seems like a sort of control. I am also aware that there may be some fear on her part that if I do establish a relationship with someone, where does that leave her?

I would never, ever displace my mother for anyone, but the household dynamics would certainly change if I did find a partner/husband. I know communication is key and that I really need to express myself to my mother. I just don't want her to assume the worst and feel threatened.

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I've Been There...Sort of...
by: JoAnn

I understand your situation. Mine was similar except that it was ME and my daughter, who I have since lost, who had to move in with her. My Dad passed many years ago & she was still in the 4bedroom house, but alone.

I had to do the same thing...pick a good time to sit & explain my situation to her. And assure her that it didn't mean that I was abandoning her or expecting anything more from her. It's a matter of "feelings" and leaving it all up-in-the-air will just create more issues for you.

Now my Mom is in Assisted Living & I'm left with all of the responsibility including her house. We never had a great relationship but I had to suck it up and take charge...for both of us...Good Luck to you!..Glad you found this safe place...

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