CAN NOT UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMIC

by Christine
(RI)

I've been in the caregiver role for almost four years, and I've contributed here before, but the last couple weeks have me at the end of my rope.


Mom (very-disabled stroke survivor) has turned into a person impossible to come to terms with. Dad, who has always been Mom's champion and refers to everything concerning either of then as "we" or "we're" (like "we" were fecally incontinent (?)) is now beginning to feel her frustration. He even said he'd return her to a nursing facility in a heartbeat if we were being as horrible to her at home as she seems to sometimes think. Which of course she said that we were not not, and we are not. Our familial world exists to put her needs first, and everything else second. Not always emotionally healthful.

I'm not saying that Dad's all okay either; he's also 82. He got mad at me for cleaning the toilet today because he said it wasn't dirty enough to need cleaning, and that if it was he'd clean it. Now I ask you, did I clean the toilet because cleaning a toilet is fun? Or because I thought doing so would belittle my father? Nope - just cuz it was nasty.

Mom's contribution was saying that only Dad should know when the toilet's dirty, and I should stay out of it. Excuse me, but that's my fanny on that toilet too. I'll clean if I want.

All little stuff, but sometimes it's the little stuff that makes caregivers crazy. If anyone wants to share, I promise to empathize, laugh - internally only, and be there for you in spirit. I'm there in spirit for all of you if you write in or not. Love to hear your experiences though.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. My 91 year old mother cries all the time

    Mar 10, 20 01:23 PM

    My mom is 91 years old and cries all the time. I believe that she has dementia. Somethings she says are very off the wall, and she is angry because I

    Read More

  2. Caregiving for my elderly parent

    Mar 05, 20 12:37 PM

    Hi, my name is Norie. I have recently taken responsibility for taking care of my mother in my home. Taking care of her has already presented several

    Read More

  3. Trying to care for mother, father, and a grandmother who is in nursing

    Feb 25, 20 02:16 PM

    I am 51 years old. My parents and I live together. My grandmother was with us for a few years. My grandmother was in a long term care facility until it

    Read More