Can I Hold on any Longer as a Caregiver?

I have an 84 year old mother that I take care of. MY father passed away 6 years ago. I am 45 years old and I have been around my parents for many many years. I never got married or had any children.


Now, I have met a wonderful man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I keep questioning how can I? How can I juggle a personal life, taking care of my mother and working a full time job

I have 3 siblings and two live close by so they do help me out but I feel that I am being attacked by them when I forget to give my parent her insulin shot or I forget to give her medications...etc.

They are questioning me saying your mind is not where it should be and your not taking care of the responsibilities as a caregiver since I met my boyfriend.

Life is very very tough but is it wrong to say I want a life and I am just physically and emotionally tired in having the role of a caregiver?

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Me too
by: Saz

God I so know how you feel. I'm the same age living with mum but have to look after my son who is mentally ill also. I have a partner but cannot commit because I'm a full time carer to both.

My brothers married and works full time he only calls when they want something. I get no support from him just judgement. Just had to leave my annual holiday after less than 24 hours as mum took bad and he had to step up.

The guilt kicked in and here i am back home and devastated. Your a good daughter never question it.xx

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Time for Others to Step up to the Plate
by: Sabrina

I just finished reading your post and have to say what a wonderful daughter you are and have been all these years to your folks.

However, I must say that having watched my Uncle do the same exact thing and sacrificing his life for his parents was commendable but entirely not necessary.

Both folks passed and he is now a very lonely old man and extremely resentful and bitter. You are a good person and a great daughter! Your Mom would want you to have a life (even if she doesn't express it now) and your siblings have obviously felt comfortable with you shouldering the burden.

My advice to you is make some inquiries for some caregivers to come in and help your Mom. Set up a routine schedule that can include your siblings to visit and care for your Mom and start it right away.

If money is an issue, there are many programs still available out there to provide low-cost care for your loved one. This website has many references and information you can utilize! Start building a life for yourself girl because some day your Mom is going to be gone and you need to have your own life to live.

Please don't feel guilty for wanting the very same things your sisters and brothers have had all along. You deserve the best in life and that's what any loving and understanding Mom or Dad would want for their child.

Best of Luck to you in the future and keep us posted on your progress with taking your life back okay?
Hugs,
Sabrina

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Expectations.
by: Leasa

If I have this right from what you have written, your siblings went ahead with their lives, met and married, probably had children and to date have lived rich and full lives.

They could smoothly move ahead with their lives, knowing that you would be there to handle mom and dad (until he passed) and they had no worries. Occasionally, they'd help out but never really had to feel obligated.

Now, at 45 you have finally met the man of your dreams and the guilt trips have started. If you move ahead with your life as you should have done long ago, then they will have to take more responsibility and perhaps have some inconvenience to suffer through.

You have choices to make. Please don't make them out of guilt. If your mom is of sound mind, talk to her, unless she is also quilting you into 'taking care of her'.

Your siblings and your mom should be thrilled for you at having met this man that makes you happy. They should be making it possible for you to finally move forward toward having a life mate and happiness.

You don't have to abandon mom, but a three way sharing of the work and care with mom must be worked out. It isn't wrong to think of yourself. If you let your man go, which is what will happen if you don't make time for him, you will regret it, especially after your mom is gone because you will end up totally alone. You don't want that.

Remember you have value and a right. Respect yourself and tell anyone who feeds you the guilt that you are all filled up and perhaps they should eat it themselves. Good luck!

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