Burnt out to ASHES
I stood outside today crying and thought I wish someone could understand how desperate and sad I feel. Then tonight I came across this website. Thank you to all who have written there pain, frustration and anger at how selfish our elderly parents can be. I thought I was all alone with no one to understand the severe depression that has become the normal feeling of the day.
I have a self centered mother who sits in silence,whilst I am just a slave to her. 2 years ago I came to her home to care for her believing she would improve from a stroke and to give her the opportunity to regain a sense of well being.
The hospital said she is 24 high care and needed to go into an aged home and couldn't stay alone.
WHY DIDN'T I AGREE? (Her depression and sadness won my sympathy). The plan was to stay at her place for five weeks. I gave up my life, left my home,family,partner,business,pets and my freedom believing this was the right thing to help my mother.
Over the past 2 years of time I have seen the true selfish mother and after much concern trying to find answers I started reading about the narcissist personality, well that was the wake up call that really opened my eyes and this is what my mother has been her whole life.
It has also helped me to reflect on and
understand the miserable childhood that I endured,as a child I would run around trying to please her and gain her love.
Now at 65 I'm still trying to find her love and acceptance but through this torture of being her slave and seeing what a miserable selfish human being that she really is it has changed me and my love towards her.
In fact like so many others have said "love turns to resentment". So whether we like it or not how can we love someone who makes us resent them?How can we love someone that takes our freedom and turns us into there slave?
How can we love someone that doesn't care about our needs? How can we love someone that captures us and turns us into there prisoner? If we the carers didn't start out with love, warmth and compassion, if we were as selfish as these people then we wouldn't be in our miserable situations.
So please in your moments of despair and depression remember that you are the good,kind,soft,and gentle souls. I see a lot of you talk of suicide to escape NO we are better than that.
Thank you for this web site,it has really helped me knowing that so many of you feel the same as I do,It makes me realize my thinking is normal,and the resent fullness is all part of our emotion.
Let's all hang in there and support each other. Love and strength to you all.