Burned Out

My 79 year old mother has been a widow for 5 years. My parents did not have a happy marriage and both of them controlled their young children through force, intimidation and manipulation.


My wife is a kind soul and offered to have my mother live with us so she is not alone in her elder years. Unfortunately, she continues to make nasty insinuations and comments about everyone around her (including my wife) and tries to control and manipulate everyone around her.

My wife ignores it but I just don't want to deal with her crap any more. I had to as a child until I left home. We thought old age would have mellowed her, but she thrives on drama.

She is a cancer survivor and has Macular Degeneration and is constantly playing the martyr card. In fact our friends call her a professional martyr. I love her but I don't like her.

My wife and I need a life of our own without constantly having to take care of someone whose sole purpose in life seems to be to cause misery to others. Being a caregiver sucks.

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HELP ME
by: Rod

I need some help please.

My 320lb. father in law has been living with us for over 12 years. He is fine he is able to walk and get up but does nothing for himself. Never wants to leave the house.

My wife works 5 days a week on her days off he calls her at least six to seven times a day. He lives in our basement there is no door...one family house, don't know how much more I can take, had a heart attack 3 years ago in 2012.

I asked him to try and help us out but he still does the same. Urinate all over the floor doesn't clean up after himself and won't do anything for himself.

My wife and I have to do it all and getting so tired of it..on top of that my wife treats him like a baby and he gets away with everything.

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Reasoning with the Unreasonable
by: Anonymous

In the big scheme of things, my story is certainly petty, but sometimes it's the little things that push us over that edge.

My 12-year-old dog and I live with my mom. My dog is on a diet because she has put on a lot of weight by being stuck in this city for the past three years and her back legs are starting to bother her.

My mom sneaks her food behind my back. Whatever my mom is eating at the table, she hands pieces to the dog. Or she will go to the dog food bag and give her handfuls. I've asked her for three years to please not feed the dog. I keep the dog food in the laundry room, in a container and keep the door shut because the dog will find it and knock it over.

To hide it from mom, I've lugged the 40 pound container to my bathroom, put it in the shower and shut the shower door. Mom found it in there.

Another time I lugged it to my bedroom and hid it behind the door. The dog found it. So I lugged it back to the laundry room.

When I get upset, angry, beg, plead, reason, one time I almost cried, mom acts like I've gone over the deep-end over nothing. Her best trick in the world is to turn the tables and put whatever the problem is back onto me.

She has always done this, even when I was a teenager having arguments about something, she was totally unreasonable. She treats me like there is something wrong with my behavior for being upset.

Plus now she also throws in the victim slant, like why am I yelling at her over such a minor issue. Why am I doing this to her? So it's a double whammy of not respecting my request and not even acknowledging what she is doing! Plus it's the dog that is suffering and I can't tolerate that.

On top of all that, she is getting a slight dementia, so I'm not even sure she remembers she is feeding the dog!

I'm thinking of getting a metal garbage can, putting a lock on it and perhaps keeping the dog food in the shed. When she finds it there, Mom will think I've really gone crazy and she will suggest I take a long vacation for my mental health. And maybe that is exactly the thing to do. Of course, I will have to take my dog.

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Dear Mom.
by: Leasa`

Dear Mom, you are just to miserable to live with. We love you but it's time for you to go into assisted living. Love Your Son.

There is no 'have to'. The only thing you 'have to do' is pay taxes and die.

She made your childhood miserable and now you are letting her ruin your sunset years? You and your wife deserve to have this time to enjoy yourselves and have peace. You do realize your mom may live another 20 years, right?

Your wife is a saint and it's up to you to relieve her of hosting this woman who obviously does not appreciate her.

Time to get happy and get mom out of there. ;)

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Turn it around on her
by: Anonymous

My mother complains about everything. I finally almost had a nervous breakdown because I couldn't take it. Here is what you do, refuse to hear her, when she starts her stuff, you get up and tell her you refuse to listen to it. When she can be nice you will gladly listen.

You can't let her continue to manipulate you, whatever she does, turn it around on her. Tell her that you refuse to talk with her when she is like that, negative Nancy life has more to offer.

If she is so sick then tell her that you can't handle her medical needs since she is so sick she needs professional help and you have to put her in a home.

Take her on a tour of a some facilities to show her how nice they are. She may choose to go there.

I'm not trying to be mean but you have a right to have a life of your own without negative Nancy.

Hope this helps.

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