Burned out

by kay
(Montana)

I have been my mother's companion, chauffeur, financial adviser, etc. for the past 8 years because I live 28 miles from her and my 2 sisters live in other states part of the year.


For the past 5 months my mother has been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes because of falls and minor broken bones which have fully healed and C'Diff which she contracted while hospitalized. She didn't seem ready for full-time nursing home care so we moved her back to her home where one sister and I took turns caring for her. She is incontinent and her bed was soiled daily as well as her clothing and sometimes the carpet and bathroom fixtures.

We could no longer continue the same thing each day and contacted an assisted living facility which evaluated my mother and determined she could live in their facility with incontinence care, dressing, bathing and medicine assistance. Today I visited and while visiting mom said she had gas and apologized at the odor. Then asked to be taken to the bathroom because she had to finish. She had a huge bowel movement and soiled her clothing right through the Depends and I had to immediately strip her down and put her in the shower. I thought my days of cleaning this up were over since moving her to assisted living. Now I'm thinking she will not last in assisted living and will have to go to a nursing home. I don't have anymore to give mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. To top things off, my sister emailed me to find out where she could find my mother on her birthday Sept 30. She doesn't want to visit one facility only to find she has moved somewhere else. It is so easy to drop in and visit for an hour or so and then be off for months.

I live nearby and am expected to be there for my mom. I don't know what is best for my mom or myself. I know I am depressed. Any suggestions?

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Quit
by: Anonymous

I quit taking care of my elderly parent when he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and dementia. I'd been disclosing his condition for years to my siblings and got no help whatsoever.

Finally, when the siblings thought my parent only had a few months to live, they showed up with accusations, calculations on their inheritances, and wanted to dictate my care schedule of our parent.

I quit! I let them hire whomever they chose to replace me. They only visit for a few days a year with our parent. I wanted an assisted living situation and they wanted money..simple as that.

It's hard to watch but parent is buying all their BS so she can live at home, no matter how unsafe it may be.

After several months of this situation and much grief, worry, and loads of tears, I've come to realize that my siblings never appreciated me, in any way, just envy...but didn't want to live here themselves. Just quit!

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Can Somebody tell Me Why my Siblings do not Care?
by: Anonymous

I have three siblings who do nothing. Oh, they call often and send things but never actually take care of my mom. It was the same w/my dad before he died. I would like to know how people live w/themselves who do nothing for their parents but the bare minimum. Does anybody have any answers?

My sister and I take care of everything for my mom. I was it w/my mom when my dad was dying.

When I complained when my father was dying I was cut off. Basically told I was crazy. Yet I still find myself wondering how do you get to almost 60 and not feel responsible for those who fed and clothed and educated you? My siblings have plenty of money,and all of them take vacations more than once a year.

Can somebody explain how they have very limited time to spend w/my mom? How do people justify such lack of caring? Such lack of love for the most important person in their lives?

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