Brothers won't Help with Parents

My dad passed several months ago after me taking care of him and my Alzheimer's Mother who still lived in their own home. This has been going on for over two years. In addition to my own job and my children (who are adults) I have been driving 7 miles each way every day to my parents home to help them. Sometimes twice a day.

If I ask for help with my brothers, they have great ideas, but nothing happens. It's all talk. My parents claim they treat us all the same way..equally. Well it's not equal. Because I'm the girl I'm supposed to do it all.

My dad even called us together to talk to us several months before he passed to ask his sons to help. It made little difference. Articles tell me not to be resentful. I'm not resentful to my parents, but to my siblings. They have their own social lives and so on and I've literally given mine up to help my parents. It's not fair.

Even when I ask for help, I get none. Let's just say they don't go out of their way to help at all. If they happen to be in the neighborhood they stop in to visit. I'm extremely tired and stressed out. No one cares about me. Ignorance is bliss to them.

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Feel your pain.
by: Anonymous

I am in the same boat and it's so frustrating. My brother offers to help but when I ask him to do something he either isn't available or he says he will but then doesn't follow through. He never goes to see our father, only sees him when I have Dad over to our house and invite him to come.

I don't understand how he lives with himself. The sad thing is it is ruining our relationship. I try to be understanding and forgiving but the more overwhelmed I get the more resentful I become. I feel like once dad is gone, I have no reason to continue relationship with him.

Fun comes First
by: Anonymous

I understand this very well, as I have an older sibling who always got off without having to do any work around the house and now - it's whatever they can do in a few minutes, but while I am working myself to death, they are out having a good time.

Any time you need help, it has to be in the few hours when they are not playing golf, going to concerts, going on a trip, playing basketball, etc.

I feel like moving to another state and not having anything to do with this person - and everything thinks that they are so wonderful.... if only they knew.

Same Boat
by: Doug

Yes Same boat here. My brothers are retired. I am not. My feeling is because I am gay and my partner has passed on that all of the care falls down to me. My friends stay in touch via email and phone.

Mom lives in the woods 20 miles from town. So the phone and the computer are very dear to me. I stay as close as I can to them. Our families are not going to change. But eventually this situation will change.... Sorry not to be of more help. Doug

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