Brothers of my Elderly Parent

by Jane

My mother is in her late 80's and should not be living by herself. I had successfully enrolled her in an independent living situation but when my brother came in to visit (lives 4 hrs away) my mother cried and he told her she did not have to move. This was 5 years ago, presently I travel 4-5 days per week and my brother promised to help by coming in every 2-3 months to help with grocery shopping, hair cuts and social interaction however in one year he has come in once and sent his wife twice.

Today, my mother has called me 3 times to tell me that she is not feeling well and her doctor told her that if she does not feel any better she should go to the ER. This is her pattern when something upsets her.... she becomes extremely anxious and develops these vague symptoms and goes to the ER.

I know I sound insensitive however, I have been to the ER more times than I care to mention. I want my brother to take more responsibility for our elderly parent, his mother and not just offer lip service. I can not continue to have this demanding job and care for my mother on the weekend.

So, what do I do next? I have tried talking with him, sending e-mails and he talks the good talk but never follows up and once told me that he and his wife already have done this however it was for his wife's elderly parents. I am single and no longer can have this stress in my life with my current job. My brother has his own company and with the economy, I do not know how he is doing also.

I have not been home on a Friday for 4 weeks and plan on attending a dinner party this evening, and told my mother who thinks she might need to go to the ER to call a cab and let my brother know who is staying in Chicago this weekend.

I do not know where to turn next

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Elder Care - Move Mom to the Center you planned to - if there's room
by: Anonymous

Go ahead and move your mother. Brother isn't coming, he wanted an easy out on feeling guilty.

Give him a list of the times you've been to the emergency room and tell him, she's coming to his house or the center. If he's gung ho to keep her, fine and dandy. It's his turn. Her safety and your sanity are worth far more. He can't make it once a week, why does he think it's okay for you to drop and run constantly?

Deep breath, move Mom.

Lazy boy can move her in with him, if he feels it's better. You're going to die from waiting on Mom and waiting to live.

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