Brothers Never Plan to Help with Elderly Parents...

I have two older brothers who have pretty much abandoned MOM and DAD for the last 35 years to be missionaries.

I am fortunate to have lovely, dear, sweet parents-88 year old mom and a 95 year old dad who are still in fairly good health. They are in a sharp decline now though in mobility, hearing, memory, and all basic functions. The demands of two elderly parents is very extensive.

I moved them into a trailer in the yard six years ago to have them right with me, but also give some sort of independence for both families as long as possible. I know the time is fast approaching that when one passes the whole situation will change. I am so resentful of my older brothers when they come to visit (once or twice a year at most, for a few days) since they are just "visitors", and have no intention of ever being available.

The amount of work required to maintain two households, meals, doctors, errands, shopping, cleaning etc is staggering. The anger can erupt and then I end up feeling guilty since the brothers are Missionaries. The only solution I see for me is to help my aging parents with gladness as long as possible, be grateful for my years with my parents and never expect any help.

Is anyone out there dealing with abandoned parents by siblings who are doing mission work or similar calling?

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Resentment and Guilt of Siblings
by: Janet

Just seems that the more I read on this site the more I see that in almost all cases there is only one child willing to take on the responsibility of an aging parent - regardless of how many siblings there are in the family. I am in the same situation. Four girls and I am the only one willing to give up my spare time (I work full time also) to care for Dad. And the others who don't do anything seem to resent me for doing it.

I think it is just guilt on their part and after five years of taking care of Dad I have learned that this is their problem and I have also learned not to let it be my problem. To me there is just no excuse not to see your father on Father's Day but you would not believe the excuses I have gotten in the past. Now it just does not matter anymore.

Sad thing is, it does not matter to my father anymore either. But I know he is very hurt by the way he has been treated.

Aging Parent Care - I Understand Completely
by: Anonymous

Aging Parent Care, I think I read somewhere (here maybe) that there are thousands upon thousands of us doing this on a daily basis. I for one have a very difficult time, not from brothers or anything but just being the closest one to Dad and being responsible for ALL of the things to do. It reminds me of having children at home again!!

Anyway, I understand what you are going through and wish you the best because as my husband says this is a "no win" deal.

Best Wishes

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