Brother where art Thou?
by Clueless Caregiver
(St. Helena, CA)
For years I have kept this bottled up inside me and now I'm going to speak my mind. My brother is the oldest of five children and you would expect he would be the one to lead the way when our family came into crisis. Not the case, our Dad got sick and he was nowhere to be found so it was left to the rest of us siblings to step in and help both Mom and Dad.
Dad passed away and I thought surely he would come around to help Mom. Wrong again. He couldn't even be bothered with the funeral arrangements! Now years later my Mom came down with Alzheimer's and of course only two of us siblings were right there helping watch over her. Where is brother? No where to be found again.
When we realized Mom needed round-the-clock care in order to keep her in her own home living safely and comfortably his only comment to us two was he wasn't going waste his time off watching over our Mom!!! His gang needed him too much for him to allow that to happen. These were his words to us. His attitude is that even though we are both married raising kids still in school that we can forfeit all that because he is just too damn important!
A lot has to do with whom this person is married to as well. She is a taker and consumed with only herself and her own needs. She lays around home doing nothing and acts like my brother should wait on her hand and foot. This is who he chose to marry and who he has abandoned his family for. Now that my Mom needs to be placed into a care facility guess
what his only concern is? You got it. MONEY!!!! He's wanting to be in charge of everything and now is furious upon learning that my Mom placed me and my sister in charge of everything.
He says he wants nothing to do with any of us and has not been in touch in almost a year! What happens to people that they think to neglect the two people in the world that they should care and respect most? Our parents! My Mom and Dad were both wonderful parents and my Mom if she was in her right frame of mind would do anything for her children.
The last thing I have heard about this person called "Brother" is that he phoned up my sister and complained to her that she is going to run through all of Mom's money and there won't be any inheritance left! He was offering to take over things since he feels we are both idiots and incompetent. My sister drove over to his house and left two cents super glued to a piece of paper saying here is payment for your wonderful advice.
Is there anything a person can do to make this person see the light? If he couldn't come to our aid when our Dad was dying, why would he bother now? I don't see him ever changing so I guess we just need to go this road alone. I'm heartbroken that this is the brother I once loved so much and always admired. If you had asked me years' ago that this is how our family would end up I would have said your crazy.
I'm done crying about this but I just need some sound advice on how to move forward from here. I'm lost right now.