Brother is Not Doing his Fair Share

by Judy
(Canada)

My brother lives 15 minutes away from mom, he is retired, so is his wife. I live 1 1/2 hours away and still work full-time.


My husband is retired and goes up every Thursday to take my mom out for lunch or shopping. We try to go up again on either Saturday or Sunday.

My brother rarely takes mom out and it he does it is for an appointment that mom has asked him to take her to or for coffee once in a very blue moon!!!

I have discussed with my brother and I believe part of the problem is that mom does not care for his wife (she can be difficult)that if we worked out a schedule to see that mom gets out it would be good for use both. He will not agree to this idea.

My husband's parents live 5 minutes away from us and they too need care - although they have live in care as they have both had strokes. I organize doctor's appointments for them and oversee the caregivers activities and days off.

Lately, I have started feeling overwhelmed and tired - we have been at this for almost 8 years now with my husband's parents and almost 3 years with my mom. I am currently seeing a therapist who is helping me deal with my anxiety.

Is there any hope that I will ever get my brother to share with me regarding my mom. My brother only has mom now - his wife's parents have both passed away.

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Useless Brother too!
by: Anonymous

I care for my mom after a stroke and stay at her place 24/7, even though I'm married and have my own house and my own set of problems there. My brother's retired, and has PLENTY of time to help out a little and lives 10 minutes away.

He picks her up for coffee once or twice a week (but never for an actual breakfast not even on her birthday) and drives her to the corner coffee shop for an hour. He then drops her off at home, can't even park the car for a minute, but just sits there while she struggles to get out of the car and takes off as fast as he can.

Half the time she has a hard time unlocking the house door, but he's already gone. I can hear her effing sometimes, then when she finally gets inside, she starts ripping at me because he pi_ _ed her off. He makes me sick.

He pretends like he's so important and that he has so many important things he has to rush off to do. He's so self-centered (always has been).

Won't offer a damn thing or inconvenience himself in the least. He asked me what he could do to help. I gave him a clear answer, just a few simple things thought he could handle but would be a great help, but have never heard a word from him.

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