Brother Declares me Dead to Him

by Sandwiched
(Oklahoma)

After waiting 1 1/2 years for my brother to come through on his commitment to have my mom for awhile if not forever at my request he has reneged and not even told me he wasn't going to do it. He or his wife would call with all kinds of excuses why they couldn't even come see my mom.


It's been 3 years and calling her every other week. Then calling me 4 times this year and whining and giving excuses why they can't come or how crabby my mom is to him when he calls. His wife called twice more to give excuses. Yes some of the excuses were legit, but after 2 years, how long can you milk it.

I finally told him how I felt about his excuse giving and whining about how mean mom is to him and told him I couldn't talk to him about it anymore and hung up. They immediately called back and I didn't answer, so they called again.

I stupidly answered and it was his wife. When she told me it was her, I immediately told her if she was calling to give excuses I didn't want to hear it and she was talking over me and I over her.

I started yelling and she told me if I wasn't going to quit yelling she was going to hang up. I tried to calm down and talk, she talking over me. Then she told me, You know what, Shove it. and hung up on me. I then stupidly called her back and same scenario, but she tells me to shut up and then hung up. I called several times and left messages that weren't very nice and then I couldn't get through to them.

I had to get his phone number out of my contacts etc so I wouldn't keep calling him, trying to let him see my side. I then called my mom and told her what happened and my sister. This was all on Dec 23rd and I was expecting company in that night and had told him that before the explosion.

I was stressed as my mom had been with me for 2 days and Christmas was at my house with my mom. You know I can't stand the idea of having her alone on Christmas day so we have it in the hometown we both live in. Instead of going to my kid's home.

Anyway, the next day he writes a NASTY email to me, my mom and sister telling in a nutshell that we are all sick and need help. No duh, we do need help, but not the kind he thinks we need. And he says we are all dead to him that my Mom only gave birth to him and he now is referring to her and my dad with their given names and said we are all dead to him, he no longer has sisters or a Mom.

He harked back to his past and how awful we treated him (?)
Now my sister won't answer her phone after leaving messages and emailing her. Is she now mad at me? My mom doesn't think so, so I hope she is right. I had to get her name off of my addresses so I won't repeatedly call her. She was making arrangements to have my Mom come live with her for awhile, but now I am afraid that won't happen either.

I cried out for help and hoping they might help. This after my brother called and started the whole thing by complaining that Mom talked mean to him and I said if it makes you feel any better she does the same thing to me. And then asked him if he could help me with her.

And now here I am the backstabber etc, because I have talked about them to each other and said some bad things while under stress. This is how we handle conflict, no confrontation, just talk behind their back when stressed by them. I guess my brother doesn't talk to each of us behind our backs much, but it sure sounds like he did with his wife. So now what?

I'm dead and he has no responsibilities which is what he was after anyway.

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