Both in Failing Health Now!

by Bummed Out
(Raleigh, N.C.)

Both of my folks are in their early eighties and about a year ago my Mother was diagnosed with middle stages of Alzheimer's. My Dads health problems are more physical but now he is showing signs of dementia too.

I live about one block away in my grandparents home which I pay rent to my folks monthly. My problems are I have a no good for nothing brother who lives in the same town and he won't lift a finger to help out! I'm furious that he has abandoned my folks in their hour of need.

He has a gambling addiction and owes lots of relatives and friends money. His wife is some piece of work too. She tries to live a lifestyle seen only on Robin Leach's Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless! What kills me is she's angry that I am in control of the money matters for my folks.

Thank God I am, or I'm sure between my brother and her they would have drained my folks bank account and stuck them in some terrible old folks home. My brothers only comment to me when things went really wrong for my Dad who was hospitalized for a very serious infection was, our parents are almost to the point where they wouldn't even know where they were so he suggested putting them in the cheapest home I could find and then just forget about them.

I told him off and he hasn't been back to see them ever since then (now almost a year ago)! My oldest brother lives out of state and really couldn't even afford the flight to come see my folks, he's that broke. I just feel all alone in this battle to take care of my parents! I work full time and plan on retiring this next year at the ripe old age of 50 and then I feel I can dedicate my care to them full time.

I didn't sign up for this and I don't blame my poor parents but man I never thought this was how my so-called "golden years" of early retirement were going to be spent. I'm just plain lost.

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You've Been Heard
by: Anonymous

Dear Bummed Out,
I hear you loud and clear. It sounds as if you're a feeling a bit blindsided and in shock frankly.
One bit of advice? Do whatever you have to do to let go of your feeling so angry at your siblings because it is just going to make You sick!

I know what I'm talking about. Although this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (taking care of mom and her needs) I will have a clean slate and no guilt when she's gone.

Okay, one more piece of advice....use this site for your venting! It sure makes me feel release when I vent here and then I get on with my day.
m

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I'm so Glad You're There!
by: Renata

Just a note:
I just read your story and cried tears of gratitude before the Lord, to see that some how God makes a way in a situation where people are vulnerable - like your parents. Thank God they had you and you decided to remain close by, so that now when trouble comes knocking you are there to kick it far from them. You are their protector.

I pray that God's grace will abound towards you that whatever the problem, you will have the ability (wisdom,strength,resources and peace of mind)to resolve it. And that the 'Blessing of The Lord' will be upon you!

Do take the time to inform yourself by reading other postings on this web site, written by various persons in the same situation but at varying levels of experience and exposure, so that you can be better prepared for what may come next. Blessings to you. Remember to take good care of your whole health.

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Hard times!!!!
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry that you have found yourself in this position and it's obviously not what you planned and hoped for.

Sadly, some people just can't, or won't step up when they should and it sounds like your brothers are happy to leave this situation to you. For your own peace of mind you may just have to accept that you are alone in this You cannot change the way your siblings are, and you can't give them a sense of responsibility, even if they did step forward, would you feel able to trust them, or would that be an even bigger source of worry?

Do what you can but do not sacrifice your life and your plans.Ask for help from friends, from the authorities and from the medic's. Accept that you cannot make your parents young and well again, you cannot make your brothers different, you can only do what feels right for you. It's the only way to stay sane!

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It is Difficult
by: a granddaughter

Your situation sounds very stressful and there's no wonder why you are angry at your brothers. I have been in a similar situation and it is exhausting in every way.

I wish I had magic words for you but hopefully just hearing that someone feels your burden and hears your pain will make you feel a little better.

Big hug to you. At least you will always, always be able to know that you did the best you could do.

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No Good Brothers
by: sylvie

I feel the same way, my brother lives with my parents, but also has an apartment in Toronto and when ever they fight he runs away. I just came back into the picture since I have not been home since I was 18 years old. I feel the same way too, I am retired and 50. sometimes I wish I never knew what was going on with them. Now I come twice a week to visit, and I get the neighbors to help them too.

As for your brother, he sounds like a selfish s.u.b. and I wouldn't count on his wife she too sounds retarded. Just keep on doing what you are doing but make sure to make some time for yourself. I am glad I have my own place, they are too. Hope this was helpful for you. God be with you my dear.

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