Big Mistake?

by greenacres

When dad died, my mom(76yrs.) was moved to TN by my narcissistic spoiled b**** little sister. Mom, who was grieving gave little sister her POA so she could take care of dad's remains, I guess.

Little did she know this was a premeditated plan to get her up here. Now Mom is so intimidated by her that she won't take it back from her. Sister and her husband have their names on all mom's bank accounts and I don't understand why. Being alone for mom was not working out.

My mom and sister despise each other and little sister was wrong for selling her house in FL. When mom moved into her house up here, she started to have panic attacks so bad she went to ER a couple of times while sister was taking care of her needs.

I moved my mom in and she lived with my family. I painted a brand new room in my house and turned everything upside down to accommodate her. Well, everyday she would complain, complain, and more complaining.

She's used to nice materialistic things. I took her to doctors, bought food, cooked everyday, I even made her oatmeal and raisins on mornings when her back was feeling really bad. We spoiled her rotten. We were kind and compassionate.

I have vented on this site and sound like a horrible person, but it WAS very stressful here.

After 1 and a half years my husband and I thought she was ready to move back home back into sisters care. She was stronger and we told her she was welcome back any time, do not be afraid. Well from what
my mom tells me she is being verbally and emotionally abused.

My sister doesn't even believe there is anything wrong. I actually lived with mom and sometimes I could hear her yelp in pain in the middle of the night just trying to roll over. Sister has even set times when mom is allowed to come to her house. Weekends only!

And mom is living on TV dinners! I decided I was going to get more involved, so I offered to take her to physical therapy after I talk to her doctor. This is a big commitment for me, #1 I live two hours away and #2 my sister won't like it at all! We are not speaking. It's immature and stupid.

I don't even know what I did to her, but my husband jumped down her throat and told her she is not going to talk to him like she does my mother.

It's either sisters way or the highway. I talk to mom everyday and I hate to see her so miserable, I am about to demand her to come back and live with us where there are people around. Last time she drove me to punch a hole in my bathroom, things always seemed to get overly dramatized.

I am a quiet person and do not like drama, plus I felt ashamed of the thoughts I was having. If she comes back, bye bye me because everything needs to revolve around her. Am I making a terrible mistake?

Please give me some feedback, before I make a really big mistake. Mom IS okay, but things could be better. I just love her so much.

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Yes, you are!
by: Anonymous

I can appreciate your situation as my family dynamic is all over the place too and quite often extremely stressful and childish. I know how much you love your mom as I do my ailing mother and father as well.

However, if you move her in with you, you may potentially destroy or damage your marriage as well as your own health and well being. I know you think you are selfish for contemplating this as I have felt the same emotions.

Do Not succumb to those feelings! Do what is best for all involved, This may mean making a schedule to care for your mother (if even possible) or looking into assisted living. It's not worth the anger, resentment and a potential heart attack.

I and my siblings are currently going through the same exact thing and it is NO fun. God Bless you!

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