Being Used by "Elderly" Parent and Children!!!!
My husband and I married 27 years ago. He was 19 & I was 18. We are in mid forties now with two adult children. We are very happy with each other but his mother and our children are draining us dry!!
I don't know how much more I can take!
My parents passed away when I was 6. So the only parents I ever had were my husbands parents. His mother and father never had money. Through his childhood his parents were always in and out of work, getting fired from jobs, and letting my husbands grandmother support them.
Shortly after we married my husbands grandmother died. She left his parents 200k which they used to buy a house and a 35k car! About a year later they claimed bankruptcy because they couldn't pay their credit card debt. Then they started asking us for money. Keep in mind we were around 24 years old at the time and had just started our own family.
We gave them around $200 a month for about 5 years. Then when we started our own business and started to make a good living, they all of a sudden lost their jobs and couldn't find work FOR EIGHT YEARS!!!! My husband gave them $2,500 a month for eight years! Before he cut them off!
Then they all of a sudden found work. They did okay for a while but they still called every other month saying their electricity was going to get turned off or their car broke down and he always gave them money. All in all we gave them over 500k !!!!
Then we hit a rough patch. Our business went under, we lost everything. Our retirement savings, our kids college funds, Everything! We moved out of state to find work in the bad economy. but we were happy! For the first time we were free of his leech parents.
Six months after we moved our son graduated high school. With no college fund and terrible grades he decided to join the Air Force. He faked
an injury in basic training and got sent home. He has has been home LEECHING off of us for the past 5 years! With just a 15 hour a week part time job. He pays no rent and still can't afford to pay his car insurance or cell phone bill. he has no guilt and is constantly asking for money! We have given him almost 10k for classes he failed, car repairs etc...
Now our daughter graduated high school one year ago and she can't go to college either! She is better about money than our son and she has saved almost 8k but she still doesn't seem to have any motivation to move on.
One year ago my husbands father passed away. They had no life insurance so we had to pay around 15k for his funeral. Then his mother said that she could not support herself. In the grief of loss in fathers death, she was using us again!!!
She talked us into moving her to Florida, and giving her $200 a month to supplement her Social security.. she also takes $200 a month from her sister. Did I mention that she just turned 62! She has no job and has convinced my husband that she is too old to work!
He sees no problem giving her money now. But he will barely speak to our son because he has had to loan him money!
I know this has been long but I just needed to get this out and maybe hear from someone who knows what I'm going through.
We are struggling! We work endless hours. We are both depressed. We have no money for our retirement, vacations, or even a date night!
We're now in our late forties and we are still supporting his mother and now our grown children also. I hate feeling so bitter but I'm scared for our future and our marriage! I'm so tired of taking care of everyone except myself.
Someone please tell me if I'm justified in feeling this way or if I am being selfish!