Becoming an Angry & Bitter Person

by Melanie
(North Carolina)

I'm 23 years old I take care of my grandmother that's 60 she's bedridden and overweight I've been doing it almost a year now.

I really don't mind but its turning me into a hateful bitter person as none of her kids or other grand kids help out. They're free to live their lives and I'm stuck in the house 24/7.

It's sad if she really tries she could be independent again. She's not paralyzed or anything but she's always in pain and I think it's because she doesn't use her muscles at all and I also believe she likes to be waited on hand and foot.

This is pure hell as I love her to death. She raised me and I've been with her since I was two weeks old. I wouldn't trade her for the world.

I just want her to lose weight and be independent again so I can live my life. Some days I feel like ending my life but I know she needs me. Please help me...

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Hear You!
by: Anonymous

Oh Melanie,
Your letter sure sounds like a cry for help alright! Please, please find a counselor for yourself. There may even be some type of caregiver free counseling service you could get.

When I was so stressed out from caring for my mom, I started going to a free caregiver's support group and even though it only met one time a month, it totally helped.

I learned things about how to take better care of myself. I also learned that many times the caregiver dies before the person they are caring for because of all the stress!! Holy Cow!
Sometimes because of guilt (that we put on ourselves) we do not do what actually is best for the situation. We just keep doing what we know to do and have been doing.

Know that you are not alone, there are millions of us out here caring for others. It certainly is a thankless task but now that my mom has died, I feel like I did my best (even with learning to take care of me).

For her last 3 years mom was living is assisted living and the women there became like mom's daughters.
Let us know what steps you decide to take for You!
mary in Santa Rosa CA

I understand
by: Anonymous

I am 66 and my 93 year old mother lives with me. Although I do have siblings who help out as much as possible, nobody can truly know what it feels like doing this 24/7 unless they're doing it themselves.

I wonder sometimes where my life went to, especially the freedom to do things spontaneously without having to think of any one else. Bitterness and resentment are a natural reaction to that.

You are so young to be carrying this burden! Please don't hesitate asking others for help. Sometimes people don't think you need help until you ask.

Other times they want to help but aren't sure what you need help with most. How about making a list of things/ways other people can help you, then share it with anyone who seems willing to give you a hand? If you don't learn to do that, your sense of bitterness and hopelessness with fester.

Also talk to your grandmother's doctors and TELL THEM how you are feeling. Medical professionals now realize that caregivers need as much (if not more) attention than the person/s they are caring for.

It's sorta like that thing about getting on an airplane when the stewardess shows you how to use the oxygen and to put it on yourself FIRST so you can help others.

Please don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. You deserve it!

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