Becky

I am so glad I read this site because everything I feel is written here. I have been a caregiver for my mother-n-law for the past 11 years. Recently her health has declined.


My husband and his siblings refuse to put her in a nursing home. She is bed ridden, in diapers, and cannot feed herself. My husband and his siblings are fine when there is a crisis. They show up and make decisions about her care, then leave and dump all the responsibility on me.

They say they are going to help, but think nothing of not showing up. We have no children because of this situation. I don't want to do this anymore. At this time my mother-in-law is in the hospital. The hospital has told them that their mother needs to be in a nursing home but they refuse.

I am not involved in the discussions with the social worker. I have thought of going behind their backs and talking to the social worker and telling her how I feel. This situation makes me feel like I am a terrible person. It has taken a toll on my marriage. I feel like 11 years ago someone pushed a pause button on my life.

I ran into an old friend and treated her like it was just yesterday that we spoke (it had been 10 years). She asked what had happened to me, then told me all the rumors that she had heard (I got divorced and moved, I died, etc.). I have no life anymore. My friends all have children and have gone on with their lives. I am stuck on pause.

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Get out from Under
by: Anonymous

Becky,
Get a divorce. You don't have a life because nobody in that family gives a damn about you. They are using you, and badly. What about YOU? Do you have a job? How old are you? You sound like you are pretty young because you talk about having children. Do you have a family? Parents, brothers, sisters, friends??? What do they have to say about your situation? Do you ever see anyone outside of this "family" of users?

These people are treating you like a slave. This isn't even your mother. They aren't taking care of their own mother. Of course they won't put her in a home. That would cost money. They have you and you are free!!! What is your worth?
Get help.
Get a life.
Get a job.
Get a divorce.
Get out.
Get a life.
You have probably forgotten who you are, who you were, what you wanted out of life. You deserve more and better. You are a good, decent and beautiful person.

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I Understand all to Well!!!
by: Anonymous

The twist for mine though is that it is my Mom and it is my sisters who are the ones who come.

They have all kinds of excuses as to why they can't help which ranges from I don't have the money for gas or I don't feel good or their 22 year old child needs them to go to the doctor with them or I have plans, and when they do come it is for a VISIT and are not willing to do anything for Mom unless I say She will take you to the bathroom or she will get you something to eat and after a few minutes they have to go.

It makes me so angry but if I say anything then they get made at me for complaining and call their VISITS in by phone. Unbelievable!!!!

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