Beam me up Scottie!

by Sharon
(Wichita)

Where do I begin? Sounds like a song. About four years ago my Mom began showing signs of dementia. Of course, I covered it up to other family members

who are typically not around but eventually everyone noticed moms deteriorating memory and confusion.

While working full time, caring for my children, caring for my Mom I guess my other half decided this was a really good opportunity to seek out other relationships! I wondered how I could be so lucky to have such an understanding
spouse and now I know why. What bothers me more than his infidelity is his lack of compassion for my mom or our family.

How did I find out you ask? I was told to pack and stay the entire weekend taking care of my mother all the while he had his plans with his new love interest. What hurts more is my own children played a role in this too! My work life has taken a beating and jackass of a boss is threatening me with having taken south time off
.....he is concerned about my job there!

Sad to say but I can only find space while I'm taking care of my Mom. I feel like her needs should be first since she needs help from me and my brothers and sisters. I am seriously thinking of throwing in the towel here at my so-called
home and leaving my jerk of a husband and our two kids behind!

I cannot and will not neglect my duties as a daughter because I truly love my mom. I'm just at a complete loss right now.

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Lack of Understanding.
by: Anonymous

It sounds as though you and your mom have a special thing going. You should write about it. I wish I knew.

It's obvious that your family doesn't understand nor appreciate it either. Do your children know how rare it is to have someone in your life who makes you feel loved,important and needed? How it makes you soar like an eagle, and strengthens you?

It looks like they're missing out. Have you been able to share the experience with your children - by not excluding them? Please consider telling the story in writing - even if you don't show it to them now. Be mindful, that they probably feel excluded or second to your relationship with your mother - This ought not to be.

Rather all things have their place and to neglect one, will impact on the others. For those things that you must do, include them. Then if they show that they don't care, then let them know that it doing so they show that they have chosen to neglect you.

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Whose's the priority
by: Wendy

Hi Sharon my name is Wendy and I live in the UK.

I have read your note I feel for you. You are getting pulled in so many different directions, and want to run away. My only advice is that you are valuable as every one else so what do you want? Where is Sharon?

I am currently caring for my mother who I love very much, but my mum spent all our young lives putting elderly relatives first before her husband and children. As a child I always felt she was never there for myself and my sister. We had to tag along, and therefore neither or us has a good emotional relationship with her.

I feel angry when you say you want to give up emotionally on your children, they need a mother.

All I can suggest is talk, about how caring for your mother is affecting you and listen to your children about how it is affecting them and if you want to your husband.

Take Care.

Wendy

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Deal Breaker!
by: Leasa

Wow, going through what you are and to have your husband and kids betray you like that...to me...is a total deal breaker and I'd be gone in a flash.

He used your mother's illness as his excuse for betraying your love and trust. Remember, it was supposed to be 'for better or worse' and he has broken that sacred contract. You are definitely better off without them at least you won't have to wash their dirty underwear any longer.

Take care of mom and yourself as long as her disease will allow and make some real plans for yourself. Start divorce proceedings asap. Well, that's what I would do.

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