Be Strong, be Caring, be Patient Too

by Anonymous

Have read the comments,and will be caring for our mother 24-7, people are who they are, some are compassionate, some too busy with their lives and life styles to care for their parents, because they don't care.


It's much easier and convenient to put them in a nursing home, to be honest I hope I pass away before I go into one of those places.
The staff cannot give each resident 100% care, its not possible.

The best place to be for anyone who is elderly is to stay in their home as long as possible, where they feel safe and feel at home but that doesn't happen all the time.

My brother is POA and it went to his head totally.
Just like with our father, now its with our mother.

I went through really rough times, I thought I would be married to the one person I loved for the rest of my life, but things happen, don't they!

My brother is POA - a title with power? now he thinks he is a King It makes things even more complicated. Why would he do that when
everything was going smoothly and I was taking care of all the bills, cleaning, grocery shopping, repairing things cooking, washing clothes, buying her new clothes,taking mom to dentist, doctors and keep her active as much as possible, church, books, newspapers, TV, crosswords, puzzles, poetry, gardening ,planting flowers inside and out.

I was a number 1 - okay person when doing that and convenient and be doing it again. I wonder what it will be like for him and his wife when they get old!?

Sister is too busy with her lifestyle to help, talk is cheap! It's not fair and not right either.
That's the way it is, I'm there for our mother that's it, is there something wrong with that?

We have become a uncaring society?

It's frustrating when one has a brother and sister
like that- unreal
Believing in God and praying helps and If you can talk to someone about it that helps too!especially when they are in the same situation.

You have to!

One good thing I can say with pride is that I helped our mother and dad as much as I could and I can live with that. Kudos to anyone out there that has the ability to do that! Just deal with-it and tomorrow is another day!

Guess God has a reason for everything, and for some people, they get abused more so than others, but keep silent.

Now that's a strong person, smiles on the outside, but crying within.

To anyone out there who cares for the elderly or for their parent(s) God bless you, we need lots more people like you.

Be patient and strong and feel good about yourself for what you are doing, it truly makes a difference especially for the elderly.

I'm glad there are people out there that can have the strength, patience to do it, ,it takes a special person to do it.
Keep the faith.

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Great Advice
by: Anonymous

You have given great advice. I appreciate your sharing. I agree with you.

It seems that only one person or two will step up to the plate in a family and while it is hard to give when you are so emptied out that you can no longer even care for yourself properly but still find a way to keep going, and keep your loved one clean, fed, cared for the best you can - without the relief of the others in a family, it is hard but your heart is in the right place.

We reap what we sow. May we sow good seeds. God bless all the Caregivers out there!

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It isn't easy
by: Anonymous

I posted a while back, had to help my husband take care of his parents, while their daughters live their fabulous lives.

Well my mother In law died in the arms of my husband and I where we said our good byes,it was amazing. She gave a big smile and just left. She had Alzheimer's for almost 15 years,I couldn't attend her funeral because her daughters didn't want me there,really???

I helped my husband take care of her. They call me a bitch because I didn't answer the phone to give it to their father.

We are taking care of their father now,changing his colostomy bag,with the smell that gets into the walls in the house and OH my God these people can't even say thank you. They don't talk to their brother and seems their father enjoy that discord he can tell my husband and I quote"you know what?you don't have to worry because your sisters says they aren't gonna talk to you again,seriously??

How can a parent love this discord amongst his own children. I am not from this country and it does hurt how some treat the elderly. I know their father may not like me but he tolerates me because I cook for him,clip his nails,give him a cut,change his colostomy bag and help him brush his teeth.

When his daughters visit,he makes known they are coming so we get out of the house,and get home till they are gone,they use our bowls to feed their dogs when they visit because they bring their dogs and my husband and I don't say a word.

THEIR father see them as princess that when they visit he will not even ask them for his pills and when he knows they are visiting, he will not drink his prune juice just so his bags doesn't get filled up for daddy dearest to change it.... Hmmmm.

I do believe in karma and also one good turn deserves another.They will experience the same thing with their kids.let's just hang in there,there is always light at the end of the tunnel,thanks for letting me vent,hugs to you all

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I have been there
by: Anonymous

I have been there. My scenario is quite a bit like yours. I was the only one out of three who did the "grunt work" for our mother. Monday thru Friday and then some.

I also have my adult disabled son at home, plus my own health issues. My brother is POA, my sister pops in only on the weekend long enough to fix Mom her food and leaves.

Brother popped in in the evenings for a bit, but not every night. My mother is midway thru vascular dementia which is like Alzheimer's but with a different timeline. She is not safe at home by herself - at all.

Because of my insistence, my brother got her help 3 days a week for 4 hours. NOT enough. My son became ill with kidney problems and I could not do Mom every day. So we increased her help to 5 days until evening. Mom is alone all night and all weekend, except for about an hour or so. She is not safe.

She does not think anything is wrong with her and my brother kowtows to her every wish. Because of my insistence that she move to a home for her safety and well being, he took over.

I no longer see her. I am worried sick, but it is what it is. The kicker here is that he was ready for us to move her until he found out only he could sign the papers. Then it was no go and a battle ensued.

We had two family conferences with her doctor so he could explain the necessity to her and my siblings. My sister didn't come to either one.

If it comes down to a patient's safety and well being, a nursing home is sometimes the best option. None of my siblings or I are knowledgeable enough, physically, emotionally, or financially able to care for her 24 hours a day.

Unless you can afford 24/7 care. And I know from experience that the home caregivers are sometimes not the best choice. Even if you are the caregiver, you are not equipped to take care of a dementia patient. No matter how much you want to and love her.

It is not because we do not love our parents, it is because we love our parents and know that they need more than we can give them. The homes I toured were wonderful places.

I found two that would have been great for my mother. So do not condemn those of us who cannot for one reason or another care for our parents at home. Sometimes it just can't be done.

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