At Wits End, and All Alone

by Ken
(Port Richey, Florida)

Back in 2005 my Dad started acting strange. He would go for walks and become lost. He couldn't drive without Mom telling him what to do.

Finally, I checked in on them, and realized he was in late stage Dementia. Mom for some reason, did not realize it. Probably because she always told him what to do anyway.

They had a nice settlement, when their home insurance got cancelled. I used it to buy us a condo, that all three of us could live in. Dad passed away a few months later.

Mom never liked living in the condo. She kept saying she wanted to be in her own house, near her friends. Little did I know that they were all dead!

So--- I did some work on the house, it was in a shambles. Dad had not been doing any maintenance and it needed a lot of work. The house was in a deed restricted community, and Mom and Dad had ignored notices from the HOA. I had to bend over backwards to please the old biddies! It took a lot more work than I had planned.

Mom and I moved in a month later. I sold the condo for much less than I paid, by now the housing bubble had burst. We lived in Moms house until last year.

It was way too big for the two of us, and along with a pool that went unused, was just too much for me to care for by myself.

I bought a smaller house, not far away, so Mom could still be near her doctor, and the cemetery -- her favorite place! Her "condo" as she likes to call it.

She refused to leave it, and
Dad. "I won't be able to go to my condo, if I move far away." She had said. I really do not like the area we live in. It has no amenities other than a hospital and a cemetery! It is an hours drive to anywhere. Perfect retirement community!

One by one, my friends deserted me. None of them could stand being around Mom for any length of time. Even her own friends gradually drifted away. She is the original pity party! She is always miserable, and is not happy unless she makes everyone else miserable!

She doesn't read, she has no hobbies,she doesn't do anything! She sits and talks to her dead relatives all day. It is enough to drive anyone over the brink!

If someone visits she immediately starts talking about her aches and pains, and then brings out the photos of her dead friends and family.

I have thought of putting her in a home, but that would only make her worse. She would not behave, and I would have more problems than I do now. I also really don't have much to spend on a nursing home. Since all our money is tied together, I fear it would all be gone, and I would have nothing to live on.

My only source of income is social security, and what is left in savings. People have suggested getting her home care. She will not let a stranger in the house. She wouldn't even let her own cousin, help her when she visited. So that is also out.

I am at wits end trying to deal with her. I haven't had a life in over ten years! I am slowly losing my own desire to live.

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I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I've had my mother living with me for 10 years, and she could be living on her own as she is quite healthy and still drives!

She just wants to be up my butt and know everything I'm doing. I'm 60 years old and she has to know my every move! I feel like I have no life.

And opposite of your mother, my mother is the life of the party around other people but when she's with me all I get is a long face and a miserable attitude.

She does like to complain about her health though, let me just say; she's not as bad off as she likes to tell everyone. No illness whatsoever, just high blood pressure. But loves to get that pity and sympathy. I look forward to her death.

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