At My Wits End

My Father was mever in my life. Now that he is older, it is somehow my responsibility to care for him. I have done my best for 10 years. He is in his mid 70's now and had a run of cancer but is now cancer free. He rarely worked when he was younger and did nothing to plan for his elderly years. I managed to get him SS at $500 a month. He blows that money on nothing every month while I struggle to pay the bills.

I have had to dip into my own retirement a few times to pay for him and after doing the math, I'll be working till the day I die at this rate. All of that wouldn't be so bad but he is a stubborn jerk.

I moved us into a 55+ mobile home community with me as his caregiver. I paid cash for the mobile home and pay all of the bills every month. The rental office requires his name to be on the mobile home but it is listed as OR so if he passes I can easily sell it. This has caused him to amp up his controlling nature and he is a nightmare to be with.

I work full time as well as having a pert time job I do from home. He has made every moment of my life miserable. Every little thing I do he has to go behind and "correct". Right down to the way the trash is organized in the can.

I have zero privacy and my nerves are shot. IF
I try and ask, tell or discuss anything with him he throws a tantrum. He acts as if everything I say is am accusation.

Even mundane things like a comment on the weather "it's nice out" is meet with "no it's not, it's going to rain later". he has to be contrary to every single thing I say.

After over 10 years I'm just done. I want to pack up and leave. I've even considered suicide. He runs the AC at max and I am stuck paying the $350 power bill every month. He gets mad if I do anything outside my room. I can't make tea without him adjusting the kettle on the burner. Then he gets angry and slams stuff because I left a drop of water on the stove.

I am starting to realize that it isn't an elderly thing. He is just a controlling asshole. So now I am trying to find a higher paying job and a more stable part time job on the side so I can afford to pay his bills and move into my own space.

I regret ever agreeing to take him in. Literally, the only reason I did was because he is on my birth certificate so it is easier for me to do paperwork for him. Otherwise we had no relationship before he called me for help.

Part of me wants to remove my name from the mobile home and lot rent lease and just bail. I feel so exhausted and I can't handle having to fight for every breath I take in my own home.

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by: Anonymous

I'm not surprised your father behaves as he does as you seem to have a very unhealthy tolerance for unreasonable behaviour, why is that?? He will be getting something out of this, what and why?

You also are doing this for a reason; be brutally honest with yourself as to why. Is your self-self sacrifice and drive to help feeding your esteem needs? Please get some help for yourself in how to take care of your emotional and physical needs.

Your quality of life sounds very poor, do you not feel you deserve something better? I'm here to tell you that you do. You need to start believing that yourself; to hell with what others may say and think.

Be brave, you might be fearful taking that first step but that's normal. Think about your future while you still have one and take ownership of it right now. Best of luck

sounds bad
by: Anonymous

I have to ask, why are you even doing this? If all he gets is 500.00 per month, he can easily qualify for assisted living paid for by the government which is how most people do it.

You need to feel like you deserve a life, too. The years can tick by pretty fast and then you're him. And where did the years go and what good was it?

There comes a point in time when caring for yourself, your mental stability, and your financial future has to come first and only you can make that happen.

I hope you find the strength to check on what he can qualify for, remove him from your home, and begin your life.

There is an answer to this other than suicide, but you have to take the steps to make it happen.

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