At My Wits End!!
Basically, my mother passed away 2 years ago from bowel cancer. She was ill for 6 months. During this time my father would ring me day and night blaming me (I am 48 yr old male, the eldest of 2) for causing her cancer, etc, etc.
After she passed away he moved to a retirement village 17 miles away from me (my brother actually lives about 5 minutes drive from my father). He was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and malnutrition about 18 months ago, brought on by his not bothering to eat, or being on yet another faddy diet, like eating nothing but cornflakes for months on end.
After he was released from hospital all was reasonable for a few months until he had a TIA resulting in another stay in hospital. He now has no concept of time and has lost parts of his memory.
Now, I am getting phone calls every morning, anywhere between 4am an 10 am. Every time its the same thing, woe and misery, he wishes he was dead, wants to know what I'm doing that day if if I'm doing nothing there's no reason why I can't come over for lunch. If I say I can't go over, I get the "I don't suppose I'll eat anything today then, I don't like going into the restaurant on my own".
I am not working and receive a small amount of money from a trust fund that just about pays the bills. Every time I go over there I use about 1.5 gallons of diesel at £6.00 approx per gallon. As I'm not working, he expects me over there 4 or 5 times a week as
I've "nothing better to do".
I also sort out all his hospital appointments including picking him up and returning him home. It takes me an hour each way due to traffic to get to him, plus I'm there for 1.5 - 2 hours each time. That's 4 hours out of every day gone, with no time to do anything for myself.
If I tell him I've got something else to do, he resents it and gets funny with me, saying things like "I'll just sit and look at the floor and the clock until its bed time". I really, really cannot cope any more.
I am now not in good health myself. The stress and strain of the last 3 years has taken it's toll and according to the doctor, I am a walking heart attack. My blood pressure has risen to 163/101, I cannot sleep, I get panicky in crowds and break out in shakes and sweats. I just sit here and scream some days. My own apartment is a mess, but I do not care.
I feel my life is over, and the way its going he'll be attending my funeral before I go to his. I have sat him down and told him that I need a break and that I am having mental and physical problems because of the stress. The next morning, he phoned me again at 4am to make sure I had slept properly. I just want to sit here and cry.
How I want to walk away and never come back. Why can't he leave me alone just for 24 hours. A heart attack would do me a favour, at least I'd get some peace.