Ashamed of not Doing More for Mom
I regret every day that I don't treat her better. But I'm so afraid of her judgmental remarks & criticisms, that I am always tense around her. It's how I felt even as a child, when her sudden rages terrified me. It feels the same today, like a panic comes over me. (Even though she can't chase me & choke me like before, it still scares me when she is angry). It is what it is.