Our 90 year old mother is in the hospital right now and my two brothers visit her regularly. My anxiety is upon her release when she returns to assisted living.
They tend to ignore her there making a few brief visits every few weeks. It frustrates me that they camp out at her bedside while all her needs are met with a full staff at the hospital but when she is left more on her own they deny my mother's failings and conveniently leave me to oversee and confront the assisted living facility regarding our mother's needs and care.
She will decline over time and it is exhausting to have to try and sell them on the REAL circumstances as they emerge. My brothers tend to view me as an alarmist but the reality is that they are not involved enough to see what is actually going on.
It feels like assisted living is only a partial solution but she requires more than seems to be available to her. It leaves me to frequently visit the facility and put the heat on the staff to get questions answered and see that my mother is appropriately looked after. Instead of my brothers listening to my problems, seeking out possible alternatives, increasing their involvement with her direct care, they become agitated, accusatory, and condone their neglect by
believing they are dealing with a crazy person, me. How convenient for them.
No one would want to paint a gloomier picture than reality regarding the necessities around their mother's care. I feel abandoned, all alone, left to deal with a 200 pound beached whale and fight for her survival amidst holding down a job and maintaining my own adult life.
It feels like I have one arm tied behind my back and blindfolded and expected to keep things running smoothly for them so that nothing impacts their life. They plainly do not want to hear about it. They do not see it due to their lack of direct involvement with her care. If they stuck around long enough they would see for themselves but instead they snip an hour here and there of their time for a casual social visit and all looks well and leaves them to conveniently assume that she is pleasant and content without concern the other thousands oh hours that they are not there.
I am fighting for my mother who seems to be failing like the economy and my brothers are the politicians declaring that joblessness is decreasing and all is well because they look at one slim indicator to interpret the overall condition. And they conveniently stick to their grounds and project their contempt onto me for my behavior.