Angry, Depressed, and Stuck

by Lora
(Fort Worth, TX)

My mom became very ill from her diabetes in the later part of 2011 and almost died. The doctor's were able to save her with emergency dialysis and she was moved from a hospital to a long-term acute care facility.

Well, long term in their vocabulary was less than a month because medicare would not allow or pay for more time. With no where for her to go, I was the only sibling able to move her in with me to care for her. I had to quit a VERY good paying job in order to do this.

We have dialysis 3 times a week and because of the distance we travel, I have to sit and wait for her. She also has a plethora of doctor appointments during the month. Transportation is non-existent where we live; we have been put on a waiting list which could mean 5 months or a year before we can get transportation assistance. I am so angry with her because she won't do what she is supposed to do medically to take care of herself.

She is 68 and very capable of taking her blood sugar, medications, and setting up/using her nebulizer, but she just won't take responsibility for herself. I feel like she is wasting my time. Not to mention, placing additional stress on my family (husband and son) not only financially, but emotionally as well.

I feel so stuck because neither of my brothers (which live 1000 miles away) will offer any type of emotional or financial assistance; they could care less and have told me so. I am also angry that the healthcare/transportation for elderly system is SOOOO broken. I felt like I was the only one with such strong emotions, but the more I search the internet I am finding my feelings are very common among caregivers. Thank you so much for giving me an outlet to vent.

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You're Only Stuck if You Let Yourself be Stuck.
by: Anonymous

First of all, is there any way to make the communication better between you and your brothers? There must be a reason they care so little and you need to find out why that is. It may be a key to your own sanity.

I'm in Canada and long term care is paid if your parents have no income. Is there no kind of help there? What do elderly do if they have no family or money? Surely they aren't kicked out on the street. You need to reach out and find help.

Does your mother have no income or assets? You need to look hard to find a way to put her in assisted living a.s.a.p. and don't 'ask' for permission. You need to work hard to find a way out and get your life back.

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