Angry at the Selfish People in our Society

I am just unbelievably angry at the selfish people in our society who have no compassion for the elderly and constantly want to pound home their schtick that they deserve their own lives rather than helping their sick and aged parents.

These are the same people who insist on taking care of 4 dogs and can remember to go take the dogs for their teeth whitenings and flu vaccines but they can't do one tiny thing for elderly parent because god forbid, it would interfere with their "own lives". They are the ones who make sure they block out weekends for their jaunts to their vacation homes and make sure their nice upscale lives are filled with entertainment and trips.

I am angry because I constantly get negative feedback from these people about how I shouldn't take care of my parent and how I should put her in a facility so I can live my own life. I had a very good life before my parent got sick and old and it was all due to the fact that my parent sacrificed so much for me to receive a good elementary and high school education which enabled me to be able to get scholarships to go to college. without my college education I know that as a single woman I would not have been able to afford my own home and many nice amenities such as a pool membership, a nice car and so forth. My parent's sacrifices gave me this good start in life.

I may be temporarily putting my life on hold but that is a VERY small price to pay for everything she did for me. After she is gone, I know that a nice life waits for me to return to, so I am at peace right now even if I am making some temporary sacrifices. The gist of this post though is to underscore the rampant selfishness out there. I am aghast that so many people continue to bear children when it is obvious that most adult children do not care about their parents' infirmity and old age and would rather not be bothered with it. I am speaking the truth.

There are only a very small minority of adult children out there who rise to the occasion and help their parent. The rest of them are selfish to the core. I hope I hear from some of them and hear them try to tell me (for the millionth time) that they deserve their "own lives". P.S. Get rid of the 4 stupid dogs too.

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Being True to Your Heart...
by: Anonymous

Some responsibilities are chosen, some are thrust upon us by circumstances and the type of person we have become. Is it a child's responsibility to take care of a parent? Well it comes down to what type of a person is faced with that challenge and whar their relationship with that parent has been.

It seems many people believe the helpless parent deserve this care. Some believe they deserve an undisturbed life, often for the first time. Few ask the simple question of, "What was the parents responsibility before getting sick?"

Did they maintain a close relationship? Did they plan for this eventuality or did they simply expect a child to accept this responsibility? Did they even ask, "Will you be there for me?" If so, I expect these people are doing much better than most.

Each one of us is responsible for ourselves until unable but many act unable far sooner then it is true. Don't be surprised, have a plan, stay close to your children and try to find ways to always take care of yourself up until you can't. After that it is the plans you've made, the good will you've earned and the care of strangers that will see you through.

As for those that choose to not accept the responsibility please know half measures aren't appreciated most often. Your help, your concern, your desire to be involved will often be rejected due to your lack of sacrifice.

Just know those who would bite the hand that tries to feed them, even if only one meal either isn't really helpless, is stuck themselves in the grieving process or is having difficulty with a loss of control.

Death and dying is rough and complex, but at the end of the day each of use must do what is right for ourselves. Just know you have to live with your decisions forever.

Angry Self Righteous People in Society
by: Angerd

Well! Let me tell Miss thing.
Good for you because you had good parents that took care of you and made sure you got a good education and so on , But some of us weren't so lucky, some of us had parents that beat, neglected, raped , misused and abused their children.

Some of us carry emotional scars so deep that its hard to get ones stuff together. So excuse some of the poor burned souls that have used this sight to vent their frustrations. Some of us have lost every thing in order to take care of parents who didn't appreciate or deserve any thing their children don for them.
But what would you know about that.

Good for you!
by: Driving Ms Daisy

You say you own your own home...
Does that mean you have remained in your home? Some of us had to leave our homes and move in with our mothers because they are unable or unwilling to leave their homes. I had to leave my home and put all my belongings in a storage unit. I live with the clothes in my closet and a computer.

You say you have put your life on hold temporarily...How exactly have you been displaced in your life? Do you still live with your significant other? Some of us who have non-marital relationships are expected to leave our partners and come home to take care of mom because we don't have a marriage.

Maybe you still have your same job or career. Some of us have to move businesses or quit jobs and start over.

Are you settled in your life and everything is peachy keen and mom is just a minor disruption?
Some of us are still searching for our dreams and we are older also and the last best years of our life are passing us by.

It's great when it's a win-win situation for everyone and there is give-and-take and compromise on both sides. It's great when mom gets all her needs met and the caretaker can have her needs met too. Some of us have to make huge sacrifices.

Don't Condemn without Knowledge
by: Anonymous

I'm happy for you that your relationship with your parents was so loving and nurturing that you are delighted to care for them. Sad to say, other people's parents may not have been loving or nurturing, and in consequence, their children feel neither loving nor nurturing toward them.

My Father In Law was a good man and a loving father: I gave up five years of my life, so to speak, to provide care when he was dying of cancer. I'd cheerfully have done it to the end of my days. My Mother In Law is a self-indulgent, self-centered drama queen and always has been.

She's in excellent health and quite capable of finding ways to occupy her mind and her time: she just prefers not to have to make the effort. It may sound harsh, but unfortunately for us all, it's the truth. I'll meet her legitimate needs, but I refuse to be guilt-ed into dancing attendance 24/7, taking responsibility for her emotional state or providing her with a social life.

If that makes me a dreadful, uncaring person, so be it. I, my husband and our children have the right to lives, too.

by: Anonymous

I find people protest the loudest over issues that make them feel guilty. Your devotion to your parent hits a nerve and rather than admit they are not living the noble life you have chosen, they condemn your choices. Perhaps they never loved their parents like you have, so they lack understanding.

Hopefully it just helped to voice your frustration. At the end of the day you know in your heart you are doing what God has called you to do and that you are giving love back to parents who loved and provided for you. This is noble, this is right, this is a high calling. So, may I say, bravo to you and that I admire what you are doing. It is counter cultural in the midst of a self serving generation. What a wonderful place to find your self!

Don't Judge Everyone
by: Anonymous

From your comment it sounds like your parent(s) were truly good and supportive, but many families are dysfunctional. Some people just shouldn't reproduce.

In other circumstances I would have looked after my mother, but two strokes on she can only be in a nursing home with 24 hr care. I am glad she is finally away from my father, who can afford her care. He was an emotionally abusive person - age just makes him worse. If I look after him, I would be a haggard wreck, with no thanks from my many siblings.

He wonders why his family are not around him, but you don't bring children into the world so they will look after you, nor try to buy love with manipulation.

I have no dogs or children and am on the poverty line.

All I say is keep your life and sanity.

Here's the secret ...
by: Anonymous

I'm with you. I take care of my 89 year old Mom who broke her leg a little over 3 years ago and can't walk now. But here's the thing I figured out . . . my Mom and I have lived together for many years, since she was about 65. If your parents aren't with you as they START to need you, I find that it just gets harder to merge lives. It should be a seamless blending.

I don't remember the day when Mom could no longer cook, or when she could no longer get into the car or the bath tub safely, those days came and went and we just kind of merged into the next phase.

The key is to live together as soon as possible. Also, my Mom was the BEST Mom anyone ever had and I love her very much!

by: Janet

I could not have put it better myself! Four children with one parent living and 3 of them have every excuse in the book not to call or visit. What a shame our society has come to.

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