Angry and Bad Tempered Mum

by Jackie N
(Slough, Berkshire UK)

Mum is getting increasingly angry and bad tempered all the time at myself and my brother - we are 54 and 53 respectively and she is nearly 80.

My brother tries to help by doing shopping for her, helping her with daily tasks and helped so that all her bills could go through her bank account rather than her trying to remember which bill had been paid and which had not been paid.

This is because he has been out of work for about two years and is looking for a job. I work and have a family of my own and try to help when I can. She forgets what she already has in her cupboards and fridges and finds it difficult to cope with chores around the house. All I can do is listen to her, but it is very difficult.

For a long time now she telephones quite a bit - at least 4 times a day if she wants to chat, which is fair enough. However, when she gets agitated she blocks up our answering machines, often making up to 30 telephone calls. She has started to swear and curse and in my brother's case she has hit him.

I am really worried about this, especially as she will not go to the doctor for help. I have suggested it and had a chat with my local GP, but they have said they cannot go to her - she has to go to them. I have to make her realise that she needs help but when I told her this she blew her top at me, saying it's me (because I attend a church).

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Very Angry Father
by: Anonymous

I hear you all. In the past 13 years my now-80-year-old father has had three cancers, two strokes, and double pneumonia. And yet he lives on--doctors have said that his will to live is the strongest they've ever seen.

With each stay in the hospital, however, he comes out more disoriented than before and a lot angrier. He started out by lashing out at my mother and myself, but now extends the "courtesy" to clerks, cab drivers, and neighbors who annoy him. He has become the mad old man of the neighborhood, yet doctors tell us that there's nothing they can do until he becomes "a danger to himself or others."

Meanwhile, my mother is exhausted, I get immensely stressed out at his violently angry outbursts, and my parents' house is falling into disrepair because he'll hire workers and then lash out at them so violently for not doing the work "just so" that they quit and leave him there--the work unfinished or badly finished.

There's no talking to him about anything. He is always right and we are always and necessarily wrong. We have no idea how much of this we can bear. I'm my parents' only child and I feel horrible about my mother being a sort of hostage in this situation.

She won't leave him, but she talks to me twice a day about how crazy and mean he is. I have spoken to their social worker, to their doctors... I'm at the end of my rope here.

Same Boat as You
by: Doug

I am in the same boat as you save for I live with my mom now. She really needed someone to come and be with her. I was to find out when I got here that I had moved in with a very angry woman.

The stress is overwhelming and walking on egg shells all the time with her. She is very nasty to me most of the time. I know that she is frustrated at having to stop driving. But refuses my invitations out into the community. Prefers to stay home and complain at me for having to go to work and doing some volunteer work. I work free lance so I am home a great deal.

She gets angry when I cook or don't cook. I can not do anything right. It is frustrating and my Blood Pressure has gone through the roof since living with her.

I have given myself one more year with her and then she will have to make some choices. I have to think of my health. She can stay and do a reverse mortgage on her home and hire in help.

She can sell and live with my retired brother (If he will have her) or a nursing home. I am pretty much done with the situation here. Parents raise us to be independent. And that is what I am going to do after she is settled in her new life what ever that may be. I feel no guilt.....I have done my best.

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