Anger And Resentment
(Edm, AB. Can)
I am a caregiver to both my elderly parents and doing it all alone. I have one sister living in the city and 2 brothers out of province. One brother who has basically nothing to do with my folks, visits or phones home. This could be because he has serious mental illness but it irks me just the same.
My other brother cannot make it out his wife is suffering cancer so I understand that. But my sister even though she is working(I'm not at present) and lives behind my parents does absolutely nothing to help (or barely) whatsoever even on her days off. Her days off are spent going on holidays all over the place in order to have to avoid dealing with my parents.
I am there everything single day we have a bit of home care that helps. But I am burning out. I haven't had a holiday in 3 yrs and anytime I want to take one my sister beats me to the punch saying no "no I'm going there, I already made plans" so, again I am shut out from being able to go anywhere for a break.
It's not that I resent my folks (I am more resentful and angry towards my sister and have stated that to her), I just need a bit of a break and am not able to seem to get one because of my sister who is on the selfish side..... everything is for her. I'm thinking of letting myself get sick (I have bad asthma) just so I can try to put some responsibility towards her.
I do not even know what the word fun is anymore and it is also demoralizing having to watch your parent deteriorate day by day. Any advice?