And your Life is so Much More Important than Mine, "Mother Dearest"?

Not much besides the fact that I have been my aged mother's complete and total emotional and physical hostage for two years now. I am told I will not ever leave her until the day she dies.

She took total and complete advantage of the fact that her golden child, my adopted sister, totally conned me into complete and absolute financial ruin. So yes, I unfortunately am not in a position to pick up and go and take up where I left off. And where is the golden child? Possibly 6 phone calls in the past 2 years! And, living very well! Not to mention she conned our father out of a million and a half before he died...

How does one deal with this situation! I am a grandmother who has a curfew for heaven's sake! I have to ask permission to do ANYTHING and am usually admonished like a small child. We have never gotten on in our lives and I have spent my life trying to get away from her and her constant criticism and and moaning and groaning about how she regrets ever adopting and how she misses the wonderful son she never had (simply because she could never get pregnant, not because she lost one!)

Besides the fact that the hot water gets turned off in winter and she tried implementing 7 or 8 o' clock lights out rules (to save electricity) she went through my few pathetic possessions I managed to salvage and insisted I sell anything of value...

I needed a break and went to spend a few days with my daughter so that I could start again with renewed and refreshed sanity.... Oh well, for that I was told she had paid a visit to her lawyer and altered her will...

Having been out of this country for so long I honestly know no one here and due to my sisters dishonesty. I was not even able to buy transport which
is probably the single most important thing to have in order to gain independence and be able to get out there and get a job and learn your way around the place that you are forced into living at...

Well, if I am good, and lucky, I get to being allowed to borrow the car possibly once every two weeks... If I am gone longer than an hour all hell breaks loose...

Fortunately I have managed to find an online job so I work practically around the clock both to create a nest egg and to escape the harping company of my nit picking critical adopted mother. I have managed to buy a treadmill and exercise bike as I feel I am beginning to turn into an 88 year old myself.

Two years in a bedroom with the constant nagging and threats of this woman in the background have actually made me question my sanity more than once. I feel as tho both my brain and body are beginning to stop functioning. I have told her it is somewhat harsh to expect anyone to live this way. She feels it is quite fine as I have had my chance at fun and traveling and a good life and now I don't need anymore, and won't ever need more. Almost as though I am the demented old biddy who should be easing off out of the planet.

I wake up totally stressed every day of my life and as disappointed as all hell when I am aware of her moving around in the house. What have I become. What lengths are Narcissistic mothers prepared to go to in order to have their needs met? I GIVE UP!

It's enough now.... And where are the sisters????? The ones she had time for when we were growing up????? If I get told to eat my vegetables 1 more time I think I will hurl the plate right across her narcissistic sadistic self absorbed head!

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My 81 Year Old Mother
by: Anonymous

My mother is of the opinion that I am her daughter and that I should not tell her no to anything....has any one had this experience? I hate her and I cannot get that out of my head. She lives with myself, my husband, my daughter and I also have a son with acquired brain injury...he is 26 but I have to say my mother is going to drive me to the grave. She impedes on everything my marriage, etc., there is always an atmosphere in our home.

by: Anonymous

There are no VICTIMS only VOLUNTEERS. Get yourself to a FREE 12 STEP MEETING NOW!

You can do it! You go get yourself a life!

I Understand
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your situation. I understand COMPLETELY how you feel. I keep thinking it can't last much longer, but I'm starting to think that she'll outlive me. Hang in there.

Depressing Nightmare!
by: Anonymous

I have had it! My Dad died last year and his new wife took his entire trust and cut my brother and I out, three months after my Mom had a stroke and had to get a defibrillator placed in her.

I nursed her back to health, drove her to all her doctors, cooked, bought food, moved her into my one bedroom apartment...finally moved her into my building downstairs, first heart failure, then pneumonia, now her weight loss....will this ever end?! She is only 74, going on 90, brought up in Europe, never got remarried, I have one brother who lives in Florida, has never paid one dime for her care and only visited twice in a year and a half!
Tonight, Christmas eve day, she asks if I would drive her to sell her mothers dishes at an antique shop located in a busy part of town where I know everyone. Yesterday, it was off to a used clothing shop filled with 20 year old's to sell clothes!!

I told her NO WAY, I am already emotionally bruised from driving to all the doctors, giving and getting her medications, asking and answering questions on her nutrition, food intake, etc....I told her my life has been reduced to depressing, suicidal thoughts, and for the day before Christmas, cant she think of doing something a little more "normal", happier!?

Her selfish old patterns will never repress themselves! She has no friends, no lover, leans on me for everything! I told her NO, I am not doing it, and to ask her caregiver....she announced she was taking the bus and I told her IF anything happens we are going to be in trouble since we do not have a lot of money or insurance for care, she announces she will leave specific instructions that will allow her to be transported to a clinic in Switzerland, where she will be happy!

I have had it with her narcissistic behavior! She has had four face lifts, looks, (when she is normal weight) much younger, but expects me to participate in her depressing thrift sale excursions, selling worthless stuff!

I have a job, am trying to work and she has NO respect for my time and money! It is hell, and I am going nuts with her lack of respect for my time and my emotions. I told her she should take me to lunch and drive around and look at decorations, something NORMAL and happy.

All of this hospital, doctors visiting is very depressing, I really don't think selling family dishes on the "Most Wonderful Day Of the Year" is a happy mind altering experience!~

Oi Vey !
by: Anonymous

I totally get what you are going through, and I am 94 year young father is the nicest man in all the world who has put me through hell and back for the past 7 years....just tonight ...solstice....I lost my cool and told him off.....I was way past my limit and I thought I cannot keep sacrificing my life for his. I am treading water here but what can you do.

I am going to pray...and then hope that we get through our Christmas and beyond without death defying experiences.....all I know is that everyday is a challenge and inevitably someone appears at the very moment I am going off the deep end and says something to help me through the darkness...I can only hope that there is a happier ending to the current storms.

Blessings in 2012

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