Am I doing the right thing?
My 93 year old Mom had a left MCA stroke on Sept. 11. She has lost a great deal of her ability to speak. She can't put all her thoughts into words. She calls me her husband. (I'm her daughter) She says words that make no sense when she is trying to explain something. As far as I know, she does not have dementia. She pretty much understands me when I talk to her but sometimes can not comprehend simple things.
She can walk and feed herself. She can wash herself and still reads the paper. All that being said, she is now living in a nursing home. She lived with me for 12 years and was very independent.
Since the stroke I don't feel comfortable leaving her home alone all day while I work. I feel she can not make wise decisions in certain situations. I don't think she could call 911 for help. She has trouble taking directions and I'm convinced she would try to do things she shouldn't such as cook or go outside to hang clothes.
I'm divorced, so no hubby to help out. Three useless siblings, and my daughter is not interested in helping out. So there's no one. Just me. I visit every night after work and I take her home on weekends. I think that's pretty good. Some evenings when I visit, she is darn near hysterical with wanting to "get out of this place", "I want to kill myself", "you have to get me out of here". Last night I asked the nurse to give her something to calm her down.
Fortunately, it worked. My problem is guilt. I am second guessing myself about her being in the NH. Should I bring her home, or should I just buck up and try to be strong? If I do take her home, I feel I would be losing a lot of my life. I know it sounds selfish, but the whole thing is so unfair. I really could use some words or encouragement.