Always Nasty to Me

by Kimberley
(NJ)

My mother is 76 this month. My husband and I share a large home with her a mother/daughter with separate entrances. I agreed to this living arrangement with her because she has fallen several times for which I have been her primary caretaker.


She has recovered fully from hip surgeries, a broken femur, elbow and knee cap. She is active in the garden and enjoys that. However, she refuses to accept that there are certain tasks she should no longer do like shovel snow and attend to the basement when it floods. I think that the house has become too much for her to keep up with. She does not allow my husband and I to do anything...she is a control freak, yet she will complain that we don't offer to do this or that or we do it wrong.

She is in denial about her increasing age and is very vain about wrinkles and such. I am beginning to have other concerns also. The other day she came over with a shirt my husband asked her to darn and she said to me here, give this back to "Ray". My husbands name is Gerald! When I said Who? and told her my husbands name wasn't Ray and asked her what his name was...she still couldn't remember it. When I told her it was Gerald then she remembered and said she was watching everybody loves Raymond on TV before she delivered the shirt to me. Could she be developing dementia or Alzheimer's?

She often gets very angry over the slightest thing lately and directs her anger towards me. She forgets to eat her breakfast every morning and finally eats at 1 or 2:00 in the afternoon. She eats TV dinners every night. I have an older brother who is 50 who does nothing for her and is rarely around...she speaks to him nicely and never fights with him.

I have sacrificed my own happiness to be near her to make sure she is okay and doesn't fall again. My mother is a tyrant and I am seriously considering moving out to save my own health and sanity. I can't take the tirades and stress any more. Is anyone else dealing with this? I think it is time for me to move on as I have a heart condition myself.

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Passive Aggressive Mother In Law
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your comment.

I thought I was the only one in this situation. My husband and I live with my mother-in-law after losing a successful business, having our home of 25 years foreclosed upon, and me losing my job that provided us with heath care benefits - all due in a huge part to the economy.

Nothing we could have done could have prepared us for this happening in our life. We liquidated our savings to pay back what we owed as much as we can and then had to declare bankruptcy so we just lost everything. Our only daughter has emotionally disowned us because she is ashamed of us now, even though we paid for her private college, cars, and a trip to Europe when she was younger.

My Mother In Law detests her son, my husband, despite the fact that he is actually a kind man and has always been a good caring son. The other malicious malcontent-ed two sons are never around except for holidays and then they are full of anger, resentment and more abuse. My Mother In Law loves them and think they walk on water even though the one has gone through 2 wives and abused 2 children. The other purposely lives across the country.

We handle all the chores and my husband is an excellent handy man and amateur mechanic so is always fixing her things. Mother In Law insists upon all cooking and sadly for us all, is a horrid cook. Food is either partially cooked or burnt, and is all carbohydrates. Lots of rolls and rice and potatoes but nothing with protein, fiber or taste.

She excels in being passive aggressive and despite that fact that I have won cooking and baking contests, she refuses to let me cook. She says my cooking makes her sick. Yet over the last two years I have become so seriously sick with her food that is partially cooked and poorly refrigerated or frozen that I was hospitalized.

Honestly I can take all of this except the abuse she heaps on her son. He is absolutely bewildered with her anger and consequently makes excuses for her rather than just admit she is a nasty, intolerant excuse of a person.

We can't move anywhere because we plummeted from a modest middle class life to being destitute. We only have social security.

The sad reality is she can't live alone any longer. She has fallen a number of times and if I hadn't been there she would laid there for over a week before anyone would have found her.

My husband is so sad about this he is in denial, I am now in constant pain due to stress, and she keeps going on. Neither of the other two sons would lift a finger to help her and we have no one we can talk to about her problems to help her.

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