Always Me!

by Robynn
(Berkeley, Ca, USA)

A few years ago my 84 year old mom was told she had Alzheimer's. I knew something was wrong with her a few years leading to the diagnoses.

It is my sister and I, me being the oldest. I am 48 years old, recently remarried with a 29 year old daughter who has helped out tremendously. A 27 year old daughter who hardly helps and a 15 year old son; who is a TEENAGER!

My husband, son and I decided (husband's idea) to move in my mom's house to care for her. We live in the back house and my son lives in the main house with my mom.
We did this August 13, 2011 from El Sobrante, Ca.

I have daytime caregiver's Monday thru Saturday because I work full-time. I relive the caregiver's after work (1 hr downtime) till I go to work the following day at 7 am. If my son and or husband is not at home, then she stay's by herself for 1 hr until the caregiver arrives.

Because she is incontinent, I must awake her every 2.5 - 3 hrs, even though she wear Depends she will wake up try to go to the commode next to her bed, but since she is really disoriented and can barely stand, I will sometimes find her either on the bed curled in a fetal position with her pants down asleep, or on the floor.

On Sunday's I care for her all day which includes cleaning the house, cooking breakfast, and dinner, get her cleaned up and dressed, try to keep her busy while I'm doing other things, like separate buttons, fold clothes, tear-up snap peas, etc.

Then the sundowning comes...........4-5 pm. CRAZINESSSSSS!!!!! She is ready to
go home, she wants my dead father to come get her and take her home. She gets REALLY confused. Most of the time I can deal with it, but today I've been suffering from several asthma attacks and I just don't have the energy or desire to want to deal with it.

I became angry with her, yet I know it is not her, but what I needed was some ME time. Some quiet time to myself and I just couldn't get it.

My husband can only do so much including my son. I felt like crying. My health has got so bad. I use to be in shape b4 moving, now I've gained weight, my immune system is weak and I drink alcohol (brandy) daily.

I've sought professional help, but I only have so much time then I must care for my mom.

I good-for-nothing sister lives close, is a caregiver for an agency, yet will not help care for our mom.

In July 2011 she promised to help me by caring for our mom 3 days a week. On the second day (Saturday) she called me to say she changed her mind, that she couldn't do it and I would have to come over to my mom's to care for her myself. I was so angry, I told her she needed help because something was wrong with her not thinking she needed to help care for her and not to contact me again until she gets help.

I could write forever....but I won't!!! I know God is with me and my family, but I AM TIRED!!!! I just need some help some nights and 1 or 2 Sundays a month.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. :)

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