Alone & Scared

by Ellen
(Jennings, LA)

My Mom is 93 now. I've been with her in her home for 2 1/2 years. I have an older sister that has refused to help unless I go somewhere like a vacation for visit with family.


I am 62. I was married but my husband divorced me 2 years ago. I came to help my sister take care of Mom. She was here with Mom for a year before me and when her X-husband (she was back living with again) became ill with cancer, I stepped up. He passed away last November, 2014.

When I was married, I didn't work out of the home. I had a small personal hobby business I did online & worked for a company part time designing items for computer programs they sell. I still have this business & part time job going today, but the income is not enough to make a living on.

Since I've been taking care of my Mom, back in 2013, her SS checks pays for all household needs & bills. I pay for my own personal needs myself.

My sister is also on SS and gets a monthly income. I haven't worked long enough yet to be able to receive SS when I become eligible. It's been said that I will have to work another 10 years to be able to collect the minimal amount. I can't go out and work because I'm taking care of Mom.

I can't make my sister understand this, but she thinks I have it made being I don't have to pay bills & I have a roof over my head.

She needs to understand that after Mom passes away (and that could be years from now), what's going to happen to me for my future? Who's going to hire someone my age? How will I pay bills to live?

My sister has been quoted to say it is "her time" to take care of herself. She hasn't called Mom or even come to visit her.

She has a FB page and posts sayings like our Mom is already dead! She's living her life as if she has no obligations or responsibility to anyone or no one.

What am I suppose to do? I don't know what to do. I have no friends left, no family members who call or visit just to see if we need anything.

We spend holidays alone. I'm scared. I'm depressed, human deprived & we are totally ignored. It's not natural, loving or Godly to be left alone.

Time is like black eternity,
Ticking Clock

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Same situation
by: Blonde

I know how you feel as I am only getting SSI. It IS scary, and I just hope that there will be some type of help when we need it.

I do have two family members who help some, but the majority falls on me.I also do not have a social life, but I plan on getting some help so that I can have a little time to actually do something FUN now and then.

This helps with depression. I firmly believe that no matter what anyone else thinks about you, that your good deed of caring for others WILL be rewarded. We have to hope and have faith that it will happen. Best wishes

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Don't be afraid you're not alone
by: Michelle

I felt great empathy for you in this situation. Having lost both my parents now I would like to encourage you not to feel alone. There are many support groups, church groups, not for profit and government organizations that can help to give you respite.

Everybody needs a holiday...even your Mum. I've always thought it's an area that needs to be addressed and provided for, both the carer and cared for.

I remember going out with my Mother one evening and her commenting that it was wonderful to see the city lights (it had been a while since she had been out at night), something we forget about.

Your sister is probably recovering from the trauma of caring for her sick husband, it takes at least 2 years to recover and then some... She may step up, but you can't count on it, so make your own plans.

Lack of finances is always a concern as we age. I'm studying to work in Aged Care as there seems to be no age barrier in this growing industry and quite a few avenues of employment. I wish you well and look into ways you can refresh.

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