All Alone!

by Daughter of a Bully
(Toronto, Ontario)

I helped Dad care for Mom for almost 10 years. She suffered and died from Dementia last year.


I thought my life would begin again but now Dad has some unknown illness and I am all that is left so again I am the caregiver.

His other daughter whom I refuse to call my sister, abandoned us almost 25 years ago without warning. Only heard from her once or twice when she needed something. She wasn't there for Mom alive or her death.

My father is extremely bitter. He has never been an emotional man but now he is always telling me how I am worth nothing, stupid, and constantly threatens to disinherit me because he doesn't like my lifestyle. What life??!!

My life stopped when I started caring for Mom and now left to care for him. All I do is go to work and rush home which I have to clean all three levels or he would live in filth. There are no shortage if reminders that it is HIS house that I am expected to keep up.

He is always angry about something and finds a way to blame me. I cry every day because even at 45 years old, it still hurts despite the fact that this is how I grew up.

When I tell him it is best we live separately and I can care for him from a distance he threatens to burn the house down with him in it.

So here I am again. Stuck. He is 80 years old, doesn't drive and has no friends. What am I to do. Don't even think of mentioning home care!!!

I cry every day except when I am at work.

He is the most selfish, brutal bully ever. Even when Mom was alive and when she became sick. But now it is completely out of control. The verbal and emotional attacks are worse than anything any caregiver, especially a DAUGHTER who has given up her life to be that caregiver since there is no one else, should have to endure.

I don 't know what to do and I am at the point that I don't care anymore .

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The Youngest Boy who Grew up Too Soon, and Didn't Grow up Enough.
by: Keeps Keepin' On

You have my sympathy Daughter of a Bully, but I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you.

I'm 61, never married, the youngest of 3 sons who's been a caretaker in one form or another, of my mood swing disordered mother since I walked into a suicide attempt of hers when I was 5 years old.

Dad left me to the job while he pursued his career. The 2 brothers avoided any responsibility and aren't in the picture.

Now Dad's dead (good riddance) and I've moved into the house....it's been 13 years now. She's a complainer; she has a heart condition; she's 90 yrs old; she likes to find fault with me; she's still prone to mood swings.

I worry constantly; I'm the man of the family but I still play the role of boy to her mommy-knows-best....I keep to myself any comments about how I've been a family crisis manager all my life, except for 6 yrs of college.....I don't really like my life very much. Sorry for the rant, D. of a B.

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Angry
by: TJH from DLS

Mom is in and out of doctors and hospital and nothing positive has been found. I have offered for her to stay with us but she refuses, she wants us all to run after her, my sister and I.

We have to leave our families and go and live with her....is this reasonable? I am looking after my grandchild for my daughter, I am 65 what can I do I feel so guilty.

My mother I think does not know what she is putting my sister and I through, we have both offered she can stay with us but want us to move to her.

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Bullying from Elderly is Real.
by: Anonymous

My father-in-law and your dad should get together and start a complain about everything and every one club.

My father-in-law is the same way. It is so so so hard to be nice to someone who is cutting you down about everything you do.

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Home Health Care
by: Anonymous

Tell him you can't do it anymore and since he isn't leaving you any money in his will he can spend it on someone else to cook, clean and do things for him.

My mother is the same way, she is bitter because my dad got killed when I was 10. She somewhat enjoyed life after that and traveled, she became my dependent and traveled with me while I was in the service.

In her older age she can't find anything good about life, me or my brother. She criticizes ever aspect of my life, she said I'd never get married, I got married somehow.

She got too much to handle! Here is what I did I told her we can have a nice conversation without criticism or bitching about everything. I reminded her of that when we talk and when she starts up, I say I have to go now and hang up the phone. I was to the point I was going to have a heart attack!! My husband has really saw a change in me.

We got her a maid that comes in, she doesn't treat them like me or my brother she is nice. You need to tell your father hire someone to cook and clean for.

We have an obligation to our parents until they start treating you like crap then it ends. Believe me it took me until I was 50 to realize that, I use to feel so guilty now I'm enjoying life. I did my best and it wasn't good enough now find someone else to abuse.

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GET OUT
by: kaypasa

Is your father unable to care for himself? Is he home bound except for doctor visits due to an infirmity?

If so, get an order from his doctor for in home health care. Get that part in order for him and then go find yourself somewhere else to live. I care for my mom, too, but she's not mean. It's just a lot of work and stress.

If I had to put up with what you are...well, I wouldn't. I know. Easy to say, but you have to think of yourself as well. You can visit him on the weekend, do his shopping, etc., but you shouldn't allow him to treat you the way he is.

Old age does not give anyone the right to abuse someone else.

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