All Alone and No One Cares

by Suze
(Texas)

My 87 year old father has lived in a house at the back of our property for 13 years (since my mother died). Our place was the best place since we had the room on our property for the house.

I have 2 sisters. One lives out of state and the other lives in same town as father and me (about 2 miles away). The out of state sister comes about 4 times a year but always has her own agenda (eating out with friends, seeing other relatives, shopping, etc.) while she is here 4-5 days each visit.

She stays with my sister, not me and not my father. She does not work but is the nanny for her daughter who has a very high profile husband.

She uses excuses not to come that she has to help her daughter with functions or take care of the kids. She also has a son in Florida and flies to see him every 2 months.

My sister who lives here is scatter-brained. Her husband is a very successful business man and demands a great deal of her time as well as her daughter who has 3 children. Everything is more important than my father.

I run the family business and my father comes to the office every day. I also own my business. He has one employee and I have one employee. We share the same office space with each having their own office.

My husband has peripheral neuropathy and is in constant pain. When not deal with my father and my business demands, my husband is hurting, complaining, etc.

I have no life. All my friends have died or have a life and do not want me to burden them with my problems. Now, my assistant has colon cancer that has metasticized and I do not know how much longer I will have her. She is a jewel and is the only one who makes my days sane.

I do not think I can take all this stress much longer. I take Pristiq, Deplin, Xanax, Clonazapam, plus Crestor, Benicar and vitamins. I am in relatively good health, but am tired all the time.

I can find no help or answers.

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OMG
by: Anonymous

Wow, honey, you're in so deep I don't even know what to say to you.

We seem to step into these holes that get deeper and deeper and we don't notice the daylight disappearing and before we know it, we are buried alive.

Try to create a spark somewhere in your life that gives you hope. Something just for you, that expresses who you are, and supports you.

For two years, I felt myself going down that hole and I was losing myself and my health. Something had to happen or I was just going to disappear.

I happen to have a rental unit 20 miles from where I live with my mother, and when the renters, who lived there for 6 years gave notice and moved out, I panicked. They lived like that TV show "Hoarders" and left the place a disaster.

I knew I couldn't rent it right away. So I've spent my spare time going down there and fixing it up. What at first was a calamity has turned into a blessing. The place is an old mobile home that sits on a quiet acre, and when I go there, the space is all mine. I work in the yard, and putz around in the house, and a lot of times just sit on the deck and listen to the birds and watch the sunset. Having a place to go where you could get away from everyone and everything could help you. A place that makes you feel good.

The second thing that happened was that my niece called me one day last year out of the blue and suggested we go on a two-week trip together to Europe. At first the idea was absurd, I had so much to do with the care of my mom and my job and the house, but she kept asking and finally, feeling like "why not!" I said OK.

This trip has given me something to look forward to all year and on July 27th we are leaving for a trip to Germany and Austria. My brother and his wife are going to take over while I'm gone. They live two states away and run a business of their own, so this is a big effort on their part and I really appreciate it.

No one is going to save you. You have to save yourself. And no amount of drugs are going to fix how you feel. Find what brings you true satisfaction and fulfillment in your life and bring it in now. There is no time to waste in life to not be happy. We never know how much time we each have left in our lives. Try to find what makes you happy today.

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Try a Different Track
by: Faith

Dear All Alone,
My heart goes out to you. Ah, there is one person who noticed and cares. I am sure there is more.

This sure sounds like a good time to dump those medications, find natural herbs and helpers, use food as medicine, create space for yourself every day, and do something to feed your soul.

Whatever your spiritual beliefs are: activate them and find those whom you can befriend in that faith.

I have gotten all kinds of help from Jewish Family Services, and from my mediation temple, and from my own searching for things on the internet. Take one night a week if you can in yoga, Tai Chi, or something relaxing, exercise and something you do for YOU.

I think when we feel most alone it is because we have drifted away from OURSELVES; from our faith, our spirit, our joy which is always there, waiting to be tapped into.

Your sisters may not have much thoughtfulness but if they have money ask them to help you by paying for companions or whatever you need for your father, or for yourself!

Write a list of your needs, your husband's, and your father's needs: picture the ideal situations for each. Picture God wanting to help you and all you have to do is ask. Then turn your list into an affirmation:

My husband finds the way to health, I am taking care of myself by ..........., I find people to care for my husband,
I find the perfect employees. Thank you, Lord, for all I have been given. Thank you for your unending love.

Flow through me in peace, health, and joy. When I cannot do it, I give it to YOU.

Whatever rings true for you.

Blessings for your kindness and incredible strength!

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Praying For You
by: Anonymous

I am praying for you...I understand what you are going through. Siblings can be so uncaring and it seems that when one person steps up to the plate in caregiving, they are more than happy to step aside as if they don't need to share in the burden at all.

I am going through the same thing. And I see it in almost every family that experiences the need to care for one or both aging parents.

I really feel for you, as you have so much extra stuff going on in addition to your caring for you Father. Please find a way to get some "me" time.

You need to find a support group. And if you don't have a church, find one. You can get a lot of caring people at the right church. I am praying for you and I know that our Creator sees what you are going through. He can and will send help your way. Don't give up!

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