Advise for caring for Mom!

by Cyndi

I have been taking care of my Mom for almost 2 years now, I actually took care of her and my Dad for a lot longer.

My Dad got Cancer which I took care of him also, and he passed away in 2008. I stayed with my Mom up until June of 2013 where I moved from Iowa to Arizona got back with my ex-husband and moved here.

The plan was mom was going to sell her home and stay at each kids home a few months, well she moved to MN first and within two months broke her femur twice in 1 year and got a staph infection from surgery, went down hill from there.

She moved with us and it will be 2 years this coming Aug., she has had everything from kidney stone surgery, two bowel prolapse surgeries, internal cystitis and utis (many). This last surgery heart stopped twice on the table.

My husband and I broke up (were back together) but we decided it's best if Mom & I live in an apartment and he stays in the house. So that is hard, I have no one else to help me out, and I am getting caregiver stress, burnout whatever you call it.

Any advice would be much appreciated, I love my mother very much, can't afford assisted living we tried that route, she would run out of money in less than a year!

It's nice to find a place to vent and maybe get some advice, or just someone to talk to that knows what I'm going through.

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We Understand
by: Anonymous

Believe me, everyone that visits this site understands what you are going through. In your situation, I do not understand where your siblings are that were willing go the 2 months on and 2 months off.

Why are they not alleviating you of the burden of it all. I understand your mother may be too frail at this time, but you need the support.

Yes, we love our parents, but we have a difficult job and we never expected the hurdles we face, we never expected life to happen while in this process.

It makes it doubly difficult when we do not have the support - I know this because I want to pull my hair out and I have the support from my 6 siblings. I have been my 86 year old mother's caregiver for 3 years now.

She has dementia and I have nursed her back to health after 6 major surgeries and she is just now getting stronger, so much so, that I feel I have the freedom to go back to work; of course I will be working graveyard as my brother will be there during the night.

I have been through he ringer with my mother - talk about burn-out! It is not my mother's fault that she has lived to be 86; (which I see as a blessing, but she sees it as a curse) furthermore, I feel she has at least 5 more years left, maybe more.

I have worked very hard to get my mother to a place of strength and independence. I feel for you. You have to find a way to get your siblings involved. We have hospice care here in CA, they have much available. Make phone calls - there is help out there.

Call your mom's insurance company to see what they can advise - do not give up. Have your siblings call in their state to see what is available there, maybe there are better programs for elderly - get them involved. I want to see your marriage thrive. Best to you!

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