Accept Some Siblings are Duds

by Barb

Rather than trying to 'fit' selfish siblings into a box of "You should help out....." why not move beyond that? And realize that some siblings are just awful and have no intentions of being decent, helping people.

Once you go into the zone of NOT expecting the siblings to change you free up a lot of energy (that would otherwise go to resentment) to just get on with the tasks at hand.

And long after the parent is has passed on you also have the choice (or not) of having very little to do with the selfish sibling; if they didn't care much when your parent was alive, why care much later?

Whatever they were as a non-helping sibling will not change after the death of a parent.

Cultivate friends who are good souls and gather people around you who DO have caring hearts and hands is the advice.

And cut-free the useless siblings. Sayounara! See you (or maybe not) in another life time.

Life is too short to waste your time making deviant siblings into decent people; they aren't and won't go there. Sad but true.

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Cant fix it!
by: Anonymous

career and take care of her. I felt the next years would be those where she really needed family around her and it wasn't safe for her to be on her own anymore.

I told my brother about my plan and his response was literally "good luck with that". I was taken aback that he was so negative and preached that the scripture says that the oldest born male shall make all the decisions. I replied that I am his only sibling and we should have 50/50 responsibility.

He would hear nothing of it! Since then he has been absent in her care completely. He is angry that my mother had to give me Power of Attorney so that I could take care of her financial well being he has written her that she is "a very sad case".

He brings up stuff from childhood and it seems to be all about his issues. Sure my mother is not perfect nor was she a nurturing sort of mother BUT she is our mother and needs care and help with just about everything now.

My husband and I have cared for her every day for over a year and I have never been asked by my brother specific questions about our mother (I do send detailed emails about her condition - rarely do I get a response)...I have had to pack her house and put it on the market, not one offer of help from my dear big brother.

I could still go on but you get the picture. I have finally decided that I have done enough beating my head against a brick wall and do not communicate with him any longer. He will randomly call my mother and have a 2 minute conversation about the weather. No recognition for what my husband and I are doing and she I want it to be honest but know I will never get it.

When I opened my heart and told him how I felt he was treating me (about 6 months ago) he emailed back that I make him laugh and I am so full of it, to quote him. The next time he texted me to ask when I would be bring my mother to her house he started the text with "at the risk of enduring more crap from you..." REALLY!

I just don't understand what I have done to deserve his cruelty and cannot believe he can call himself "born again". Such a long vent and I am sorry if you have run out of patience reading this but finally yes, I agree some siblings are just DUDS.

Sad but true and I am working on forgiving myself for not being able to fix it. Best wishes to all of you who deal with this most dreadful disease and what it does to humans. Hope for a cure!!!!

Hang in There
by: Anonymous

Do not let anyone's negative comments/actions get you down! It is very difficult when it comes from our family or close friends, but you have a right to be spoken to with respect.

If at all possible, cut your contact with them to a minimum and do nice things for yourself!

I'm a Caring Person but Caring Made me a Wreck
by: Anonymous

I am not one of the dud siblings, I spent every day with my mother for years and years. I spent every weekend running around with her. My mother told me no guy would ever want me and you'll never get married. Well guess what I got married and at 50 now I want to spend time with my husband, is that so bad?

The badgering finally got so bad that I went to the emergency room because I though I was having a heart attack.

A few months ago, I turned things over to my bother because I can't handle my mother any longer, her constant complaints, that I'm a bad daughter, etc. etc. I can't shop right, I'm stupid, etc. etc.

Now when I see her I can't get away fast enough before she starts badgering me. I still go and see her but set rules that if she can't be nice then I have to leave. It works well.

I still feel guilty that I'm abandoning her. The guilt is getting to me.

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