Abandoned by Brother left Caring for 88 year old Parent

by Fernando
(Cambridge,ON Canada)

I have an 88 year old parent that lives with me and my wife and two kids. I have had sole care of my dad for 10 years......my mother passed away 10 years ago. My brother has not even taken our dad for 1 single day.

I have a family and children and an office to run, I asked my brother to take my father even for 15 minutes to a doughnut shop for coffee and he refuses. I feel like a victim...the only thing my brother was ever concerned about is what my parents left him in their will, its so sad.

I cared for them because they are my parents not a wallet, when my father should pass away my brother will come running only for the reading of the will....what kind of justice is that? Is anybody an similar situation? How would you handle your sibling in a case like this?

I feel depressed and cheated, any comments will be appreciated . Thank you

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Same here only worse.
by: Anonymous

I have 2 parents I now care for mom 85 and dad 91.. I have one brother that lives less than 20 minutes away that has not helped in any significant way for the last 2 and half years.. I'm wiped out all that time from working my business and caring for them..

He could not care less about how this has effected me... I will never have another thing to do with him or his family.. Enjoy yourself former brother it's costing you your whole family in time.. No coming back from this..

by: Anonymous

While nothing can truly take away the stress of caring for a parent 24/7, if the parent has money, and others wont help, then pay yourself a fair rate for things you do that are above and beyond certain basics....and don't feel guilty because the services that you are providing are very valuable and are helping to allow your parent to age in place instead of having to enter a nursing home.

Same Situation
by: Anonymous

A whole lot of people are in the same situation as you. It seems to run that way - me included. If you don't have Power Of Attorney and take full charge of his care then do so. You can protect yourself that way.

Any sibling who doesn't do a thing to help should not get a dime but it is up to your father to write them out of his will. Mine did just that, not because he was angry at them but hurt by their attitude and lack of attention. They know it now and I still don't think they regret it.

People like that never have guilt later. If you are spending your money on him (gas, buying little extras, etc.) you can reimburse yourself back if he has the money for you to do so. Don't feel guilty about it because you really should not. Think of it as spending his inheritance. Good luck to you and your family.

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