A Mircaculous Recovery?

The title of my post is sarcastic. Let me explain. Five years ago we moved my mom up here into a senior apt. complex about 20 minutes away from us. At that time she was independent, still driving etc..

A couple of years later she had to stop driving because of an accident she had, so I became her chauffeur and continued to go over there 3 to 4 days a week to take her to appointments shopping and to help with the upkeep of her apartment.

Several months ago my husband and I noticed she was having difficulty doing everything from cleaning her apt. to cooking meals. Since her lease was about to end, we decided to invite her to live with us since she clearly needed help. Well that was a month ago and let me say that she seems to have made quite a recovery.

She still uses her walker, but other than that, she is cleaning and cooking and doing everything she seemed unable to do in her own place,

I have to wonder what's going on here. I'm glad she's feeling well, but she could have easily stayed in her own apt.

I know it sounds awful to say, but I have been miserable since she's been here. I won't go into specifics, but I feel trapped and I see years of this looming ahead of me.

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We Feel Your Pain
by: Anonymous

I imagine you gave her a new lease on life. Losing her ability to drive, she lost her freedom to be among people, even if it’s just a grocery store. She might have felt lonely and isolated. Family does wonders for the elderly. It’s just me and my mom living together but when company comes around she’s a different person.

Your mom has gained a family and a family home by moving in with you. She’s found her happy place.
But it’s a new ballgame for you now. She will thrive and you will have to find ways to survive. It’s a hard pill to swallow because it does stretch out into this indefinite timeline.

Do all the practical things you can possibly do to make it easier on yourself and then get an attitude adjustment. Getting angry will do you no good. Make time for you and your spouse. Make time for just you. Make sure you fit into this new life with your mom. Give yourself equal time and attention.

I get it
by: Anonymous

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger! I'm not an expert, but I am a daughter who manages my own mom's care.

We found that the move to independent senior living was generally a good thing, but there are unintended consequences.

Among other things, I noticed that for her, daily living became much more of a chore until I was present (I live out of state and would typically come for 10 days, every 2 or 3 months). Her memory got poorer until I arrived, then she was able to keep both of us on track!

My advice to you is first of all, be fair to yourself. You are giving up a large part of your own independence in favor of seeing to your mom's needs and wants.

Next, hire in help to keep her occupied while you do things that feed your own soul. My mom's situation has changed to the extent that she has nearly round-the-clock care givers. They putz around with her, helping with light housekeeping, sharing lunch with her, even watching favorite TV shows.

Determine what you/she can afford and hire with your needs in mind as well as your mother's. We found private caregivers rather than going through an agency, but it took time to find the best fit. Don't give up, and don't be afraid to let them help you care for your mom.

Best wishes!

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